Notes on a second

Having not only a second child but also a daughter, for me has been rather amazing, there is no repetition, it is not even a known feeling, its all a novel experience, she is all new, her smell, her little sounds, her features, her demeanor, they are all her own and so beautiful. She is perfect in every way, everything I could have hoped for, filled with love, curiosity, a kind of innocence that never can be regained. Its all so amazing and much to absorb and there's nothing else like it even after a having a first child. I am in absolute awe of this little baby girl and although she's rather quiet, she already has captured spots in the hearts of her family especially her big sister.

And then She Came...

Evalie Anaïs

born July 11th at 4:34am was 8lbs. 3oz. & 21" long.

Week 41: Trick or treat

40 weeks 6 days..still counting

No, no you didn't fall asleep and miss several months, its not actually halloween yet it just feels like it is to me..or maybe groundhog day? I can't figure out what pop culture reference would be best to use to hide my frustrations right now! So yes, today I am officially beyond the point of having patience if I had any to begin with, I am 7 days past my due date* and a bit unhappy about this. Week 41 is definitely the most trying time I have had thus far..

I know I shouldn't have made plans for July but I guess when your due date is the first day of the month you don't really expect plans in the middle of the month to be thrown off, but apparently with my little one they will be. I am in shock (and not just the shocks I get in my fingertips with each stroke of the keys.. thanks to extreme edema!), I am really taken a back by how much she's willing to draw this out, my first baby was late but was born by the 7th day so this little one is starting out with a competitive spirit already to beat her sisters record of who can frustrate mommy the most or something?

I had a non-stress test on Friday afternoon which revealed that the baby was about 8lbs and very content on the inside, they tracked her heartbeat and movements for almost 40 minutes, checked my blood pressure etc and found no reason to force her out. I have another test today as well as a biophysical and could be induced tonight or tomorrow. The doc thought I may go over the weekend ( her guess is as good as mine) but could tell I was discouraged when I said "have a good weekend..see you on monday!"

So here I am on Monday morning still properly pregnant and wondering if its the right decision to induce. I feel bad as well because my family who's been supportive has had to continually rearrange their schedules to try to be there with me during this time and I just continue to turn up pregnant its a bit preposterous!

Quite honestly, I am covering up how I really feel by trying to be funny while in reality I am completely torn apart,  I am mostly disturbed by the fact that I feel like I have lost the excitement I had for this baby (the process..not the actual baby..) and its been replaced by anxiety and confusion, for that reason, I wish this hadn't been drawn out this far but I have no control over that; I was at a high point around 39 weeks and its unfortunately slowly deteriorated over the last 2-3 weeks. As the baby gets bigger and heavier, things get uncomfortable, the swelling is at an extreme, it hurts at this point, sleep is barely there, I have had days where I felt really sick (friday was awful, I almost skipped the non stress test altogether just to stay in bed) and I am tired of talking about "the baby" really. Although it sounds harsh, its really just a challenge to exist in limbo, everyday is the same question, "when will the baby come?" especially when this "transition" is undefined..i.e. we have no idea when or how it will happen. 

40+3

July 5 2012

My patience is starting to wane, I am starting to feel defeated, I am starting to doubt if this will happen before Friday naturally, I feel like a motor being jumpstarted but not having the ability to sustain. My frustration is showing on the surface, my daughter is feeling it mainly because three years olds ask a lot of questions and mine is quite persistent about what she wants. 

The July 4 celebration was quite nice, I spent most of the day napping then had family over for food and drinks in the late afternoon which was nice to keep my mind off my current state. After everyone left, the little one was bathed and in bed, the kitchen was cleaned, I settled in to bed. At around 11:00pm I started feeling some contractions which I ignored off course because I just could not handle another false alarm but then I realized they were painful and long and pretty frequent..one glance at the clock revealed that they were 7 mins apart..so I got excited. We both sat up waiting to see if it would become something but of course in true "braxton-form" they stopped around 1:30am and I went to sleep only to wake up to the bright light beaming into my room this morning...still pregnant! As you can see, she is also still growing (I feel like I look horrible...my mom says its not that bad), I am swollen and I am drawing more unsolicited commentary when I dare go in public. I am beside myself.