#1:Carnivals

So the last day of June (my last day of Week 40) was spent playing, like a kid, I promised myself, I would fully engage in a day of play with my little one and not think of the baby for one second. I would put my best (swollen) foot forward and just play, watch her have fun and take in the scenery that is summer carnivals. The sounds of rides and kids being thrilled as they pull through the air fearless, the smiles on their faces once they come off and run to their parents proudly waiting, the smells of Elfie the cow waiting to be milked by any willing to try. It was all good and we really enjoyed it. 

#2: The Glow

The Glow is a glimpse into the world of inspiring and fashionable moms.Here you’ll find their styling ideas, go-to gear, multitasking secrets, and enviable decor.

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Source:http://www.theglow.com/cynthia-rowley/?i#13

Source: http://www.theglow.com/zoe-buckman/?i#6

Source: http://www.theglow.com/jeanne-yang/?i#1

#3: Why Women Still Can’t Have It All

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/

"Women of my generation have clung to the feminist credo we were raised with, even as our ranks have been steadily thinned by unresolvable tensions between family and career, because we are determined not to drop the flag for the next generation. But when many members of the younger generation have stopped listening, on the grounds that glibly repeating “you can have it all” is simply airbrushing reality, it is time to talk."-Anne-Marie Slaughter

I feel rather strongly about this topic for obvious reasons; I am continuously thinking about this and wondering if its already to late to "have it all"; before having a child no one talked about this to me and there is still a vast vacuum that exists surrounding this topic that needs to be addressed in this country if women are supposed to continue to develop themselves and compete on the global stage within their professions while having (...leading.) a family. So I have really struggled myself over the last four years since becoming a mother and trying to work for money, for satisfaction, to remain creative, for stability whatever, I have gone from elation to depression, to failure, to shame to pure pride, to everything one can think of but at the same time feeling myself losing myself, was I a parent, professional, professor, practitioner, wife mother, chef...) as I compared myself to my childless female colleagues and my husband (who has an almost identical educational training as mine!), I felt lost, like I had wasted many years of time and energy (tuition..even) and only to be become a mother?  Even as recently as a few months ago, I will admit, seriously doubting the decision to have another child because of this feeling of failing at what I have worked so hard to do, to become and what people find impressive about me..I suppose.

It's always fascinating when people ask me what I do and I say with pride "I'm an architect"..their brows furrow, they might as well have a ticker running along their foreheads and you can see the skepticism in their minds and I love it.. but if I were to say "I'm a mother.."..I would probably get a blank stare or the "thats so cute" pityful response. Its also kind of an intersting time for me to talk about this because I also struggled with wanting to hide the physical change of the body, because being  pregnant has made me feel even less confident, more aloof if you will,  in a profession where women don't don't express femininity for fear of being taken less serious than the male counterparts. As you may know the architects uniform is black on black on black fitted, slightly Avant Garde pieces that make you look slightly crazy yet intriguing...I digress. 

Mainly, I felt the article was quite poignant and was struck to hear the honesty about her struggles with the work-life balance and the various conversations that have emerged around this topic. It is still controversial but cannot remain on the backburner, it needs to be talked about, discussed at many levels and requires a dramatic effort to be addressed otherwise we risk compromising the abilities of a large population of overly qualified women who also feel strongly about their roles as parents.

Don't get me wrong, there are many things to consider here but as she says, she addresses the topic from the standpoint of her own self, right, so a well educated, well of, caucasian woman, but this is not to say this only exist there. There are very different challenges for women at various levels in the spectrum of careers and parenting but I believe even within these huge gaps there are just as many commonalties in which we all share the concern. I am quite a bit younger than her, graduated top of my Master class from an Ivy league university at 23, practice in an office for a few years and have been a professor since I was 25, I am also now technically considered 'African American" but I have faced similar challenges as a young professor and some of it from my own female colleagues. The fact that I had a baby at 31 really had an irreversible impact on my career which I am still trying to sort out almost 4 years later, I took a enormous blow for needing to very rigorous about my schedule and could not afford to do things on a whim because I had a babysitter waiting on me (whereas I had been very flexible for many years..), I commuted 4 hours a day just so I could be home every night rather than stay in a hotel, I could not be one of the guys and go out for drinks afterwards which was where a lot of networking took place, I was tired, depressed and had somehow changed in the eyes of my colleagues and it wasn't positive. Being one of three female faculty members  from a total of approximately 30-40),was tough as well, I had no role models to have this conversation with, one of my female colleagues had waited until she was 40 to have a child and regretted not trying earlier while the other hadn't even considered having a child, it was a choice and they chose 'work'.

The sad part of this all, is once I left this full time position, I thought I would take on an adjunct position at a school (with a lower ranking) but closer to my home and then try to ease into a full time position there, I am still waiting on that to happen, I am still being passed over for whatever reason ( I was shortlisted last year for a tenure track position which was ultimately given to a caucasian man) and do surely regret leaving my previous position because what I realize is that its not only at one institution, or one type of job,  this is pervasive, its impossible. So, even though we are not living on PBJ's, we can still afford nice clothing, my daughter goes to a great preschool, we have a nice house, two cars, taken vacations every year, we still eat out and I spend a tremendous amount of time with my daughter,  I miss the feeling of being respected for my mind, I miss being part of a community I worked so hard to join and now am on the outside because I had a child. 

#4: All About Heidi

I love theses little shoes for babies..they are fun and stylish but very functional for little feet.





all about HEIDI
Soft Leather Shoes for Babies and Toddlers
Bringing fun and joy to the first adventurous steps of young children.

#7: Vacations

I need one..enough said.

Nuervo Vallarta- July 2010

#8: Pool on a hot day

Nothing beats a 98 degree day spent in the pool with friends, snacks, music and a cool breeze. It was nice to discover this pool by my sis house for the kids to play in so we spent hours there watching them have a blast. Looking forward to many more summer days sitting out there.

#9: Macarons (not to be confused with macaroons)

Cakes: Sweet Bloom Cakes

What can I say, these macarons look absolutely delicious..and I know that I'll only have these cravings for a few more days after which I hope to return to my normal, paranoid, calorie counting..not pregnant 'self' who does not have an appreciation for sweets at all. I would love to have these delivered to the hospital for the nurses (and myself of course) as a token of my appreciation assuming all goes well...or as a bribe depending on the situation. We had to practically bribe the nurses at Phelps with tons of coffee grounds and doughnuts when Arie was born because we were so tired that we wanted her to stay in the nursery for the night but they wanted her in the room with us, we could hardly change her diaper, swaddle her, she would not stop crying..it was a tough learning curve but I love every moment when I look at her now..

Excerpt from http://www.seriouseats.com/2007/10/introduction-to-french-macarons.html:

The macaron's origin isn't clear, but it may have been brought to France from Italy as early as 1533 by Catherine di Medici and her pastry chefs. Macarons gained fame in 1792 when two Carmelite nuns seeking asylum in Nancy during the French Revolution baked and sold macarons in order to support themselves, thus becoming known as "the macaron sisters." The macarons they made were a simple combination of ground almonds, egg whites, and sugar. No special flavors. No filling. Just 100% cookie.

It wasn't until the 1900s that Pierre Desfontaines of Parisian pastry shop and café Ladurée decided to take two cookies and fill them with ganache. Today Ladurée continues to be one of the first stops for macaron-crazed fans in Paris. No longer a humble almond cookie, the macaron turned into a versatilely flavored treat with a thin, light crust briefly giving way to a layer of moist almond meringue following by a center of silky smooth filling.

The basic equation for a macaron reads like so:

1 part cookie [ground almonds + egg white + sugar] +

1 part filling [buttercream, ganache, jam] +

1 part cookie [ground almonds + egg white + sugar] =

1 complete macaron [happiness]

#10: Who is Braxton Hicks anyway?

John Braxton Hicks
(23 February 1823 – 28 August 1897)
was a 19th century English doctor who
specialised in obstetrics.

Last night at about 11:00pm I got a contraction, I didn't think much of it because I get these 'false contractions' quite a bit and they don't really mean much. After about 20 minutes, I got another but I thought it was just a coincidence, maybe my body was tired from the day, I had been outside in 98 degree weather all day but once I got another one 20 miuntes later, it got my attention. Since I was up watching a show I liked I thought I would casually watch the clock and time them until the show ended. I did continue to get a few more at about 15-20 minute intervals then they stopped!..WHAT..what happened? well turns out, the only explanation for this comes from this sly man below..Braxton Hicks!

Braxton P. Hartnabrig

In honor of my current state, I decided to find out more about the quaint fellow who coined the term "Braxton Hicks" contractions. It no surprise that his name is John "Braxton Hicks" but funny because the only other Braxton I know is from the Jamie Fox show.."break yourself fool"..! I digress. Anyway, apparently this guy Hicks was the first physician to describe the bipolar and other methods of the versions of a fetus. In 1872, he described the uterine contractions not resulting in childbirth now known as Braxton Hicks contractions. 

Why would he name this after himself? They are basically the most frustrating things ever, they can feel like real contraction but they do nothing except get a woman's hopes up and then fade. Some suggest that they actual prepare your body for whats to come but I don't think so. luckily, I am not one of those women who is on the edge of the cliff (at least not yet)..ready to end this process. I still feel relatively good, I feel like I look horrible but thats another topic. My doctors also do not seem to subscribe to style of obstetrics which encourage constantly checking a woman to see her "progress" weeks before her due date, so I haven't been checked at all, that combined with my knowledge of my previous experience (she was an entire week late) I'm pretty sure I'm in for a long ride. 

#11: Summer Solistice

Source: http://photoblog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/06/21/6909897-tranquility-in-the-city-times-square-yoga-fest-honors-solstice?lite

Today is the first day of summer..and in NYC its almost 100 degrees...this was the scene in Times Square! Only in NY right..thousands of Yoga enthusiasts practice...pretty awesome, if I hadn't been in week 39 I would have joined them..ok maybe not but my alter ego feel like she would have.

#12: Lilies

I knew I was getting to be a bit unsettled last week, I felt the immediate tension in my body when anyone asked me anything. I got angry at a guy in Target, I got frustrated with people driving in front of me, I got aggravated with my little girl and of course my husband as well. Its no excuse but the last few weeks of being with child present a strange challenge with ones self control and it was a bit unexpected. I especially didn't feel like I was being irrational but I was a bit down I guess and I don't know why. Anyway, yesterday when we got home, he was already home getting dinner together, after giving the little one a bath, we came down and I entered our living room to find a nice bouquet of lillies. I thought to myself, if I were to go into labor tonight it would be really great. They really have lifted my spirits, its nice to get flowers just because..

#13: Handmade baby toys

Koukku teethers are a great simple design, utilizing Oko-tex cotton thread crocheted over unfinished maple wood rings to provide both soft and hard surfaces for baby to gnaw on.

Source: http://www.etsy.com/shop/Koukku

This collection of handmade toys are both unique and inspiring, without the need for batteries, these beautiful little artifacts serve as a new breed of toys which are safe for babies and will motivate any toddlers imagination. Ranging from rattles, rings and dolls, each product pays attention to detail, is highly crafted from durable, non-toxic and ecologically friendly materials but also utilize bold forms, bright eye-catching colors and whimsical concepts. These can certainly be appreciated by parents and kids and are beautiful enough to be collectibles and passed on to future generations. 

Source: http://nolinolihandmade.bigcartel.com/product/rattle-003

Noli Noli has an eye for kid’s toys, these handmade objects are exquisitely detailed and whimsical. Find everything from rattles to dolls, toy cars and boats all crafted from solid wood and finished with beeswax and shea butter polish.

Source: http://www.yellowlabeltoys.com/

Tickle your baby with these adorable owl rattles, knitted from organic bamboo yarn, these fun and colorful toys are great first toys to help baby learn to grasp objects but also double as soft teethers when their first teeth begin to appear.

#14: BLAH

Sometimes it's okay to be blah!..especially while growing exponentially in one direction for 267 days...I've now got 13 days to go (more or less). I don't feel anxious to get the baby out, I'm actually in a weird lull, maybe nervous, maybe terrified but more so eager to no longer be uncomfortable anymore. Maybe just a vacation from being pregnant and then resume being pregnant afterwards. I keep having dreams of being on a beach in the Amalfi Coast but wake up feeling like I gained 10 pounds in my sleep..so BLAH!

http://www.gogelmogel.lt/projects/blah-blah-blah-book-/

#15: Fathers

I have never really pondered how I would define a father, I know what mine was like but had really never imagined what I expected of the father to my children. I guess I had expected that being a father is something that you should 'just know how to do' but I realize as I watch the relationship between you and the little one emerge, it's clear to see that it is like any other relationship in life, it requires quite a bit of effort. She adores you beyond words and I know you do adore her as well, you will always be her favorite. As she becomes more independent and opinionated, you must continue to be her "dada", her cuddle buddy, her protector and a mentor. The latter is the toughest I think, its a challenge and I know no one is perfect all the time but as long as you (we) continue to strive towards being a good example for our kids, thats all that matters.

Just as I lament over the responsibilities of raising two girls, I'm sure you to have fears which you don't show to us but you must remember, you have two girls (almost three) who love and admire you and will always be there for you and look up to you. Happy Fathers day. ( I still hate fishing..by the way.!)

#16: Baby moves

http://www.fitpregnancy.com

After worrying all week about having an ECV, C-section and any other thing that could go awry, my little E turned herself back around to a vertex (head-down) position and moved south..way south! So bravo for the little ones ability to intuitively figure out that she was facing the wrong way (hear my threats) and hooray for my body still having enough room for her to unflip herself. I had a feeling she did on Wednesday night after some strange movements lasting about an hour but refused to let myself get excited until the doc herself confirmed it. So now I return to waiting for the moment she realizes its time to exit the space. I never imagined I could be so thrilled to be given the oppourtunity to experience the most painful process a woman can go through. 

#17: Banana Walnut bread

Its great to recycle, reuse and not waste things right! Yes, I am not so great at this but I try not to be wasteful. We do waste food in our house simply because we buy things with the intention of cooking dinners at home and then forget and things just go bad sitting in the refrigerator. The idea of using very ripe bananas to make a treat is alright with me especially if you have everything you need already in the house. I just happened to have 3 ripe bananas that I knew neither Arie nor I would eat because they were mushy, so we decided to turn them into a bread. We used the recipe from the Food Network and it turned out to be rather delicious..

#18: Swinging

Taken at Pier 6-Arie and Coco swinging.

The childish excitement and adrenaline rush I forgot you get from a simple thing such as swinging, not to mention the fact that it may help Little E re-turn to her previous position. I actually spent about 30 mins just swinging with my eyes closed (partially) today and it really helped my mood.

#19: Sunlight

Sunlight can have an amazing effect on ones emotional state. After an extremely trying day I was coaxed into taking a walk around the pond in town with my daughter riding her bike and even though it was a bit tough to walk the 1.5 miles, I did feel a lot better both physically and emotionally. 

#21: Swollen Feet

Its no secret that I hate feet..most peoples feet even my own bother me especially if they look like hands you know? Anyway, my feet are quite swollen and like most other parts of myself right now are showing the wear from me being rather pregnant. So today, I will be more appreciative of my feet regardless of my prejudices towards this gangly body part, they are still able to move me and my extra passenger around pretty efficiently.

#22: Life

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/05/world/africa/engine-trouble-reported-in-nigerian-crash.html

Although this incident seems far from home to some, it is at home for me. I live in New York and have created a life here over many years but I am from Nigeria and often wonder what life would have been like if I hadn't stayed in the US and instead returned home after college. Our country isn't perfect but we have struggled and persevered through many hard times, we are resilient people with good hearts and strong will. I appreciate the safety we have here in the US but we cannot forget how fleeting life really is; while my heart goes out to those who have perished in this disaster remember this could have happened anywhere and been anyone, but today we are spared and get to continue our lives. RIP

#23: Fire Snake

http://www.chinesezodiac.com/snake.php

A few months ago my husband sent me this link to my Chinese Zodiac and after reading I thought how poignant the description was (and him as well, the horse) so as I continue the 40 in 40 series, I searched for this again in order to start off my week with self reflection. Who I am really, what drives my personality? Its an interesting take on ones character and can be revealing even to oneself.

Personality

Occupying the 6th position in the Chinese Zodiac, the Snake symbolizes such character traits as intelligence, gracefulness and materialism. When it comes to decision-making, Snakes are extremely analytical and as a result, they don’t jump into situations. They are effective at getting the things they want, even if it means they have to scheme and plot along the way.

Snakes are very materialistic creatures, preferring to surround themselves with the finest that life has to offer. This is especially evident in the home, where luxurious furnishings and surroundings help Snakes seek the peace they need in order to thrive.

Health

Snakes prefer living a life of calmness, preferring quietness over noise and a manageable workload rather than a schedule that’s overly-booked. Snakes become easily stressed when their lives aren’t peaceful or in order. Too much of this way of life can shorten a snake’s life!

Career

Snakes do work very hard, but they have a tendency to be job-hoppers as they become easily bored. Their somewhat laid-back attitude causes them to be mistakenly categorized as slackers, but nothing could be further from the truth! Snakes are very creative and extremely diligent. They’re excellent problem-solvers and thrive under tight deadlines. Good career choices for Snakes include: scientist, analyst, investigator, painter, potter, jeweler, astrologer, magician, dietician, and sociologist.

Relationships

Snakes are excellent seducers so they never have trouble attracting others. However, they’ll be the ones to decide when a relationship has potential and when it does not. Once they’ve chosen a partner, a Snake’s insecure side will begin to show through. Snakes guards their chosen partners much like a prized possessions, becoming jealous and even obsessive. Snakes prefer to keep their feelings to themselves. It’s important to never betray a Snake’s trust as a betrayed snake will make it a goal to get even some day!

Snakes and the 5 elements 

Metal Snake – Years 1941 and 2001

Incredibly goal-oriented, Metal Snakes will stop at nothing to get that which they believe they deserve. Failure is not in their vocabularies. With their money, they’re continually acquiring more and more possessions – for themselves.

Water Snake – Years 1953 and 2013

Influential, motivated, insightful, and highly intellectual are words that best characterize Water Snakes. These Snakes work well with others and enjoy being recognized and rewarded. They’ll reveal feelings to those closest to them, but no one else.

Wood Snake – Years 1905 and 1965

Kind and genuine, these Snakes enjoy building a solid foundation of friends and family whom they love deeply and whose company they enjoy immensely. But even with all this support, Wood Snakes rarely seek the advice of others.

Fire Snake – Years 1917 and 1977

Fire Snakes are more extroverted, forever offering opinions and telling others what’s on their minds. Even so, others enjoy listening to Fire Snakes. They’re very persuasive and are especially good at convincing others that their ways are best.

Earth Snakes – Years 1929 and 1989

Earth Snakes always seem to be calm and content. They’re friendly and approachable and believe that they’ll reap great rewards by working hard and relying on common sense.

Compatibility

The Snake is compatible with a Rooster and an Ox and incompatible with a Pig and a Monkey.