Evalie discovers// Light..

I love that I still have a chance to be witness to the little discoveries my children make. Its these moments that make being a mother worth every minute. That she is able to see, smell hear, touch and feel. She senses that this magnificent light must be something worth looking into, how does it feel? We  surround these little people with distractions but they are able to remind us that the world is enough of a discovery box for them and theres still a lot to learn from it. 

6 Months Old

At six months, a whole half of a year old, my sweet little Evalie seems to become so much more of a perfect addition to our family, she got a sense of humor, a little stubbornness, a lot of sweetness. She has made such great strides this month, from actually TAKING THE BOTTLE...yep I said it..she finally can be away from me and not starve..its great! She also has been exploring the world of fruit and vegetable purees made by moi..she's had acorn squash, butternut squash, carrots, peas, apples and maybe we'll try pears tonight. She had tofu last night which she couldn't quite maneuver in her mouth so I'll hold off on that for a while and stick to the things that get silky smooth when pureed. She is also eager to walk, she has  anew trick of standing up and holding onto anything that will hold her up..she skipped rolling over and went right in sitting up so I won't be surprised if she's skips crawling in exchange for walking. She's also become a bit leaner and really slowed down on the weight gain. She weighs 17.1lbs now which is still good for a six month old but I expected her to weigh a lot more if she had kept up with her growth patterns from birth. I attribute it to both me being gone and the nanny being with her all day and her refusal to the bottle. But  she does eat cereal, veggies and fruit while I'm gone. Her and her sister actually do quite well together , Arielle even likes some of Evie's things like the mum-mum rice rusks..and her discovery box so they bond over theses things! 

 Over the holidays, everyone was sick and Evie did get a bit sick but did ok, unfortunately, even though she had no fever, she ended up with a infection in one ear and now the other, so she's been on antibiotics for weeks already, which worries me  and it has also made her really insecure. She wakes up at night for comfort and needs me to cuddle her in order to nap but I suppose it could be worse...  

Be Still...

At some point in life, your mind shifts..to a space where there is so much going on physically, mentally and emotionally that you find yourself longing simply for time alone..truly alone for a while and the fleeting momentary quiet you might find becomes akin to those long restful afternoons in the sun. It's that moment in which you fight to quiet your thoughts, slow your heartbeat and lengthen you breaths, its not easy to do but is really necessary to continue, as the moment comes and goes only rarely these days. Be still...

These days..

I'm back to work and we found an amazing nanny..she cooks, clean and does laundry! yay! She is so attentive to the kids, she picks Arielle up from school and does artwork, plays and dances with her. It really surprised me to see how well the girls took to her. When I walk in the door, they are happy fed and clean and so is my home. Evalie has become such a little person, she's trying desperately to crawl or walk but whats most exciting is how excited she is when I walk in..its priceless. She's so vocal and climbs into my arms with excitement. I do the night shift..bathtime and dinner before daddy gets home but when we are done and I put them down to play, they actually play together! That has been the great reward because I was so nervous that they would not even relate since they are 3.5 years apart.

Evalie is pretty much a little billy goat! She eats and bites everything from paper to fingers to the this new tent that Arie got for Christmas. She's been "teething" for months now or so everyone says but I'm yet to see teeth. She did grab a croissant of my plate and started eating it the other day so I guess her mind is ready for real food but her teeth aren't. I love this time but I think Arielle is starting to recognize the true will of her little sister, which is to get into everything she is doing. I can't wait to see what happens when Evalie crawls!

So Long Rosie..

  After providing us much to look forward to every morning and a healthy dose of fear we bid you adieu..farewell dear Rosie. Until next year. Safe travels..lol

New Year// 2013

I can't even believe its 2013..goodbye 2012 and hello new possibilities? Not really. I have found that I didn't enter this year with the bright-eyed optimism I usually have on the first day of a new year. In fact,  I only see blurry, just barely able to make out what is there but seeing enough to keep moving while squinting for the clarity I once had. Its been this way for a while, I cannot pinpoint exactly when it began but I know for sure now that its no longer just something that's temporary,  I guess this is the limit, my limit. The point that one can only sustain the positivity and belief that just around the corner there is the life I was supposed to have. I have no five year plan, I barely have a one month plan, the uncertainty is heavy. I know, I know..we attach a kind of hyper optimism to our lives to be able to cope with the banality of the everyday, but what happens when the constancy of the everyday is tossed around, when there are just too many factors out of your control and too many relying on you that you can only rely on the little sliver of yourself preserved very deep within but not without question. I want to believe this is a transition, a threshold into something right, we have many of these in life some more dramatic and some less but nonetheless; they become hard lines in the sand of your life but are in the present just plain bitter. I have no resolutions, I am flying by the seat of my pants and that could make for a really tough landing. They say that you must completely hit the bottom to rebuild but gosh, I don't want to see the bottom, I also realize I have a real problem being stagnant and that is the best description for me right now..stagnation. I rapidly moved up in my career at a young age and then did what most of my colleagues would call self sabotage, I had a baby and now after having two, I am a different person. I love my little ones beyond words and felt very strongly about being fully present for them for as much time as I could but in doing so, I have lost the momentum I once had. It could be that with more responsibility, I have put more pressure on myself to be something that there just aren't enough hours in the day to be but I still feel too fragmented to call it anything. I am feeling more like.."hey..its another year(sigh) than..Hey!..Happy New Year. I don't want to sound negative or ungrateful because I am grateful for all I have and that I have so many possibilities for the future, I am just not good at dealing with unplanned, unorchestrated conduct. I need complete clarity and my feet place firmly on the ground to relax and right now I don't have either and its starting to make me a bit motion sick. I used to update my five year plan at the beginning of every year but since I no longer maintain one, I have to get used to going with the flow.  One conciliation is that its only the second day and I spent most of the first day in my pyjamas happily playing with babies so it can only get better right! I hope so..What to expect in 2013? I have no clue but stay tuned it's sure to be a roller-coaster of sorts.