You ever feel out of sorts but don't know why? Like you want to spend a good hour crying in your bathroom and then take a nap just in order to get back to normal? So fragile of a temperament that any little mishap or disappointment seems like the end of the world? Well I do sometimes..it creeps up on me, mostly catching mu unawares until I have an extreme melt down and either scream at the top of my lungs or get sick. Its something I've dealt with all my life but only realizing it as an adult and trying to control it somewhat. In this case, I had a very very strange feeling at work the afternoon, I was nauseous ( no I'm not pregnant!), I felt physically sensitive, my head was spinning, my heart was pounding, I was freezing even though it was 90+ degrees outside and I had a light wrap on. I had thought I was bit out of it that morning but ignored it to maybe being tired but by mid afternoon, I had to leave, I went home, bypassed the kids and nanny and went to bed for a few hours, I was in pain..everywhere..I could not eat but I was hungry, I was thirsty but couldn't imagine putting a drop of liquid in my mouth without gagging. I got out of bed for a dentist appointment ( I know..I'm a great patient huh?) and to do the evening shift of baths, pajama race and dinner. luckily, by the time I go home form the dentist the hubby had done most of this and I got to lay on the couch. After spending a little time with the kids and husband that evening I went back to bed..I remember looking outside and thinking it was still light out!
Anyway, I feel better and its now the weekend so I plan to relax for two days and I was offered the week off from work, which I may also take..since half of the week is Fourth of July celebration anyways! I don't know what triggered this reaction, I have been a bit upset over a loss of a family member for over a week but not fully able to deal with it, I've been a bit flustered by the influx of negative RSVP's for Evalie's first birthday party from the husbands family members since I really would not have planned such an expensive party if not for them and I've been feeling like I haven't spent any real quality time with my kids in months because it feels like we are always rushing out somewhere. I do the morning rush by myself before the nanny gets in I have to feed the kids and get myself ready also. Now that Evalie walks I'm constantly nervous she's going to hurt herself because she's still very wobbly. Breathe.
I guess, I need to be a bit more aware of my place in life, I'm older, I have two kids, I work full time and then some, I don't exercise enough and I worry a lot. I am constantly on the edge or on the verge of a meltdown it seems these days..or I'm dreaming of being away..like a 10 day vacation on a beach somewhere with very tan people misting my face and serving frozen cocktails. I 'm making a promise to myself to relax more, worry less, appreciate my simple life (simplify it even more..), not be bothered by other peoples shortcoming and be healthy. So there.!