Week 41: Trick or treat

40 weeks 6 days..still counting

No, no you didn't fall asleep and miss several months, its not actually halloween yet it just feels like it is to me..or maybe groundhog day? I can't figure out what pop culture reference would be best to use to hide my frustrations right now! So yes, today I am officially beyond the point of having patience if I had any to begin with, I am 7 days past my due date* and a bit unhappy about this. Week 41 is definitely the most trying time I have had thus far..

I know I shouldn't have made plans for July but I guess when your due date is the first day of the month you don't really expect plans in the middle of the month to be thrown off, but apparently with my little one they will be. I am in shock (and not just the shocks I get in my fingertips with each stroke of the keys.. thanks to extreme edema!), I am really taken a back by how much she's willing to draw this out, my first baby was late but was born by the 7th day so this little one is starting out with a competitive spirit already to beat her sisters record of who can frustrate mommy the most or something?

I had a non-stress test on Friday afternoon which revealed that the baby was about 8lbs and very content on the inside, they tracked her heartbeat and movements for almost 40 minutes, checked my blood pressure etc and found no reason to force her out. I have another test today as well as a biophysical and could be induced tonight or tomorrow. The doc thought I may go over the weekend ( her guess is as good as mine) but could tell I was discouraged when I said "have a good weekend..see you on monday!"

So here I am on Monday morning still properly pregnant and wondering if its the right decision to induce. I feel bad as well because my family who's been supportive has had to continually rearrange their schedules to try to be there with me during this time and I just continue to turn up pregnant its a bit preposterous!

Quite honestly, I am covering up how I really feel by trying to be funny while in reality I am completely torn apart,  I am mostly disturbed by the fact that I feel like I have lost the excitement I had for this baby (the process..not the actual baby..) and its been replaced by anxiety and confusion, for that reason, I wish this hadn't been drawn out this far but I have no control over that; I was at a high point around 39 weeks and its unfortunately slowly deteriorated over the last 2-3 weeks. As the baby gets bigger and heavier, things get uncomfortable, the swelling is at an extreme, it hurts at this point, sleep is barely there, I have had days where I felt really sick (friday was awful, I almost skipped the non stress test altogether just to stay in bed) and I am tired of talking about "the baby" really. Although it sounds harsh, its really just a challenge to exist in limbo, everyday is the same question, "when will the baby come?" especially when this "transition" is undefined..i.e. we have no idea when or how it will happen. 

40+3

July 5 2012

My patience is starting to wane, I am starting to feel defeated, I am starting to doubt if this will happen before Friday naturally, I feel like a motor being jumpstarted but not having the ability to sustain. My frustration is showing on the surface, my daughter is feeling it mainly because three years olds ask a lot of questions and mine is quite persistent about what she wants. 

The July 4 celebration was quite nice, I spent most of the day napping then had family over for food and drinks in the late afternoon which was nice to keep my mind off my current state. After everyone left, the little one was bathed and in bed, the kitchen was cleaned, I settled in to bed. At around 11:00pm I started feeling some contractions which I ignored off course because I just could not handle another false alarm but then I realized they were painful and long and pretty frequent..one glance at the clock revealed that they were 7 mins apart..so I got excited. We both sat up waiting to see if it would become something but of course in true "braxton-form" they stopped around 1:30am and I went to sleep only to wake up to the bright light beaming into my room this morning...still pregnant! As you can see, she is also still growing (I feel like I look horrible...my mom says its not that bad), I am swollen and I am drawing more unsolicited commentary when I dare go in public. I am beside myself. 

Notes on pregnancy

After yesterdays lackluster doctors appointment, I found that nothing's going on in terms of the baby arrival but I am in good health and we heard her strong heartbeat so trying to remain positive. I have been scheduled for a non-stress test for Friday at 3:00pm (assuming I'm still with child..).

Things I will miss about being pregnant:

1. Feeling little taps, pushes and hiccups from the little person within.
2. The anticipation of meeting a new person that is a perfect balance of myself and my husband.
3. Lycra being acceptable to wear at all times
4. People smiling at me just because..
5. Shopping for tiny sweet little things...
6. Healthy hair and nails
7. watching my little girls face light up when she sees my belly move or feels it kick her when we cuddle.

Things I will not miss about being pregnant:

1. Weight gain
2. The anxiety of the last few days/weeks
3. Swollen extremities and facial features (my nose)
4. Painful joints making walking a challenge
5. Flatulance
6. limited attire (flat shoes..)
7. Carpal tunnel
8. Constipation
9. Sleeping on my left side
10. feeling tired all the time

Week 40

 So here we are..July 1st, a new month, one that I thought I may just enter with a baby on the outside but no such luck. I am officially at the end of the road with no new path in sight so I will wait..sitting idle until I can move onto the next phase..wait..nooooo...thats not a good plan at all. Ok, so we all knew this would happen..babies are perpetually late, these freaks of nature who have their babies naturally early don't really exist do they? they must be mythical creatures because I've never met one..!
Ok, just kidding but really, I am proud to have made it to this point especially through week 40 which can feel a bit like a life sentence if you're not careful, I am feeling strong and energetic so much so that I spent hours walking around a carnival yesterday! I let it all go, well as much as a 40 week preg can do, so no rides or anything but I did eat a funnel cake for the first time in my life, it just seemed appropriate at the time.

I am still swollen, maybe more so now since we're in the middle of a heat wave in NYC, I am running out of things to wear, I'm starting to feel like a camouflaging myself, hence the outfit...but Good. So, as a very obviously pregnant person you know that your time has come when men of a certain age begin to comment on your condition in public!  The females are mostly still positive, they look at me and smile (either with joy, envy or pity..I'd like to think its not the latter) but the men are becoming ruthless! At dinner on friday, a man just came right out and said..."Are there two or three in there..hahaha...?" not so funny little man! At Target, a man walked by me and congratulated me as if to politely say.."shouldn't you be on a hospital bed somewhere getting that taken care of by now?". The best comment of all came from my own husband yesterday, when I practically rolled out of a lawn chair at the pool and discovered I had been sitting on a bee (a rather large, hairy one too..yuck!) and inadvertently ended its life, my daughter frantically checked my backside to see if I had been stung while he remarked "now thats what I call a real bee-hind"! What the F...is this what I have become..the butt of peoples jokes..no pun intended!

Anyway, I don't intend to remain a spectacle for much longer even though I am not doing anything crazy to will this kid out as of this moment but I really hope she just feels for me and decides its time... today! I see the docs tomorrow afternoon, at which point I will basically pull a "Occupy" on them until they offer me a solution besides "looks good..almost there..see in a week". 

Week 40: T-4 days

So...4 days to go and I am carrying a watermelon that may or may not weigh 9lbs and YES she's still on the inside..living it up. I am fortunately not flipping out yet partially because I'm not quite 'due' with a capital 'D' yet and I keep looking back at the really amazing image of her at 31 weeks and am just reminded that it's real (the situation that is) and I can wait. I am however slightly uncomfortable with the carpal tunnel in my hands and my swollen ankles which makes it hard to sleep or stand sometimes.

Today, I have felt pretty good, I am a bit nauseous which is strange but otherwise I am feeling better emotionally but I think a good meal, a brisk walk and a visit to your stylist can work wonders for anyone! So we've been walking every night after dinner for about a mile in hopes that she will be encouraged to move south..and on out.

So, I've been using these apps as fodder for pregnancy progression and these apps certainly do not lie and now that I'm down to single digits, I don't even want to look at them, its all so final..its like its over before the show has even begun.  (By the way, check out June 29th on the babycenter app (on left)..who's getting a tattoo at 40 weeks pregnant?)..I don't know...I'm just saying! Also fun to see, todays forecast shows my due date and a few days after if she's late which won't be funny since its fourth of July weekend and people take their vacations pretty seriously!

But, quite frankly, its really the mental part thats to toughest, I am a planner by nature, maybe at times a bit obsessed with planning and control so its extremely hard to sit and wait for something so enormous with no idea when and how it will go down, its both frustrating and probably the most exciting time while pregnant besides going in to find out the babies gender.

Week 40: T-7 days

Source: Similac.com

With one week to go (until the due date), I am uncertain, slightly terrified, very tired, have serious back pains, sort of nesting (even though I detest that word) and in a state of suspended reality. Hmm.sounds complicated but its really not right..theres a human being in my body right now that is no longer this 'concept'..she's fully grown, fully functioning and in control of my life at the moment more than she has ever been. How is she in control..well, she is really heavy, it feels like she's tearing my insides as she burrows her way down south which terrifies me because I am barely prepared to deliver an average sized baby right now let alone a baby over 9lbs (Arie was 8lbs 3oz.)! I say I'm uncertain simply because each time I have seen the docs recently, they feel around and say something like "she's LOW.." and then look at me like I should have some sort of reaction or explanation for this..(I'm thinking..OK? go on) then they ask if I have been having contractions and I say "yes for over a month" (I'm thinking...so what?) They aren't into internal checks so I have no idea what could be going on down there..then we end by her saying "ok see you in a week if not before" with a smirk. Its rather annoying! I am also "slightly terrified"..for the same reason, "very tired"..for the same reasons, "backpains".. I am hoping this has something to do with her coming out soon since today the pain feels completely different than any other I have had, it feels like a combination of a belly ache and back ache if thats possible to imagine but then again this could be from the Taco's last night or from overdoing it tis weekend ( Long drive to Adventureland.. and all the cleaning..) 

At the moment things are tense here at the house, anxiety, nervousness and anger..yes..anger..who knew this could be the case at a time when we are about to be welcoming a new member to the family but everyone is kind of on edge and the tension feels like a pinched nerve (sciatica..anyone!). Anyway, one good thing that came out of all the dragged out tension this weekend was a pretty clean first floor of the house (kitchen, family room, breakfast room, formal dining room and living room) and thats a good amount of the house so at least most of the house has been "nested".. I helped a bit but I could barely move by evening time and then we went grocery shopping and stocked up on a good amount of food for the week. I just can't bring myself to do the freezer stocking thing..I have no idea what to cook and freeze..its a bit much for my brain right now..I also hate frozen then defrosted food and eating the same thing for several days..yuck.

Anyway, I really just wanted to record how I was feeling today for myself to remember because I don't remember feeling anything but frustration last time while waiting for my overdue baby. I found a note today in an old baby book that the husband had written the night I went into labor with my daughter which said I had been -2 station, 80% effaced and 3cm dilated at about 8pm at the hospital when we got in last time and that was after having pretty strong contractions (or so I thought at the time) from 7am that morning, my daughter wasn't born until 11:49am the following morning..ouch!

The best part of the day is how close the 'before' and 'after' are right now, I sit and can feel her pronounced little part prominently through my skin, she is aware of us, she can hear us, she can feel me poking her, she can hear Arie saying "come out"..its quite surreal that she's just on the inside of me and will decide in a few hours or days that she wants to come on out. This has certainly been a crazy experience comparable to none.

Week 39

Its almost surreal to even be writing week 39 down, I have one week left (technically..) I can't believe I'm at this point, I must say that a lot but its really crazy to think I could have a newborn any minute (I am exaggerating, since theres no sign of the baby really coming any time soon)! We are beyond prepared, except for giving the house a good cleaning and sterilizing bottle and pump parts but I still feel strange. I am caught between the anxiety of the unknown and just being so, so extremely exhausted. I really do want to meet the littlest one on the outside and cuddle her delicate and new little body, but I know its not going to be a cake walk and that every experience is different. I also realize that the due date signifies that I will be having a baby but also that I need to get that baby out and that is not something I have prepared for, in fact I think I am denial as to how the baby will actually get here.
I have taken no classes and my plan is to try to work within the moment, from the moment it hits. I don't even know what the docs protocol is, I could try calling the office and not get anyone..I don't know. With my first baby, it started in the morning, so the office was open, my husband was home and I didn't have a toddler that needed to be tended to but this time, I have been getting contractions at night (like at this moment..), they say its faster the second time and we will have to get the little one to my moms or sisters house. I just really hope it all goes smoothly..I like the idea of action..but not too much, I don't want to overwhelm my little girl, she's very sensitive to things and is already quite nervous about me being away, so much so I am thinking of letting her stay in the hospital with me after the birth or going home early if they'll let it.

As far as my physical state, I am quite uncomfortable at night, the carpel tunnel is now in both arms, my hip gets sore and certainly moving or flipping in bed is a chore. I have been having some Braxton hicks which are pretty strong when they hit, its a wonder I haven't jumped the gun a few times and called the doctor. If this were my first baby, I'd have been a real pain in the 'you know what' because the BH contractions feel real but I don't know if they are doing anything. Walking is a challenge but I think thats good because at least it could mean that the baby is no longer floating and may be locked into position for good (no more breech flips)!

I have no other real signs of labor..it would be nice to go slightly early (or on time) but thats just not my luck, I'm aiming for July 1st at the earliest which is fine (in one week) but if I go past that date then I may just have to consider alternative techniques to get her out before 4th of July, I wish I just weren't so uncomfortable because quite honestly, I was content with being pregnant until last week or so when the pain just really became unbearable. I actually feel the nesting urge..I want to clean up the house but the thought of spending even a couple of hours dusting, mopping etc makes me tired; I want to walk several miles everyday but I don't have the energy, I want to play with my little girl but I'm exhausted. I don't remember being this tired the first time around. I wonder who these women are that work until their due dates..or until they are ready to go into labor, what do they do for a living? I could not imagine having to catch the train right now and walking a few blocks to work..I would need a nap as soon as I got in. Onto week 40..hope its good!

Week 38. Turn baby turn

Monday- Thursday

I feel like I should be "nesting" right now (even though that word bothers me some..) but I'm not I 'm at my stopping point until theres some indication of when this will actually happen, I'm not packing, cleaning or organizing anything else, I just don't feel like it. Its unfortunate that I lost the excitement I had just a few weeks ago to something beyond my control apparently, lest I say stochastic. The statistics are rather impressive, that a full term baby can turn from a vertex (low lying) position to breech and then turn back (unassisted) within one week. Also, the statistics for a successful ECV are also impressive but not as much as the former, ECV has about a 58 percent success rate in turning breech babies and a 90 percent success rate if the baby is in a transverse lie, so for me especially, the silver lining is that apparently baby E has chosen (as of last week) the transverse lie not a full/frank breech. My only focus right now is getting this baby to turn back to a vertex position and stop messing around so I guess technically thats nesting, I'm now relegated to re-organizing my insides to prepare for the appropriate exit route. 

I have tried the "breech tilt" for about 15 minutes and got a pretty bad headache from that, it looks easy but not with all the extra stuff going on inside, I have iced my belly every night since Thursday which resulted in slight protest kicks but no large swings of shifts. I even tried the downward dog position for about 20 minutes but I gave up on that, unfortunately, I am not encouraged that she'll turn again and I don't think any of this actually could work. I have been pocking and prodding her for days now trying to figure out which bump is a head, shoulder or rump. I have researched every possible thing about turning the baby but still staying away from reading up on C-sections yet. 

(side bar: my fingers are so swollen and tingly, its taking the pleasure out of even typing right now)

On sunday night, I felt horrible, I thought I was going in for a minute, I had serious pains emanating for my lower back and felt dizzy and nauseous. After laying down for most of the night everything subsided. I have once again been sleeping like a sleep deprived architecture student after final crits for the last few days, I may just be trying to sleep the week away or maybe I'm really tired, who knows. On Tuesday night/early morning I was awakened by some pretty vigorous kicks and shifts which lasted about an hour but don't seem to have resulted in a new position. Anyway, tommorow I have set myself up for good and bad news, at 9am we have a consult with a pediatrician I am told is pretty great  (for this area),  then the U/s at 12:15pm to check the new position of this baby and schedule the ECV. It will be nice to have some kind of answer and plan because my obssesive bones have not handled the 'waiting game' (waiting for baby E to turn on her own) very well this week. You know things are out of hand when your 3 year old wants to shine her Dora flashlight up your dress so the "..baby isn't..bweech (breech) anymore"!

Friday
SHE TURNED! She really made her way back to the right position..I hope she stays this way!

Week 37: Full Term

Wednesday afternoon

I feel like a plastic bag with a small animal trying to escape from it..I know that sounds really bad but theres no other way to describe the feeling of baby movements in the last few days. They are strong, deliberate and constant, it really does feel like she's struggling to get out or something most of the time and she moves alot. This is really funny since she was completely still last friday during the exam, so much so that you could hear both myself and the Doc hold our collective breaths while searching for her with the doppler! Also this week, I started out really really tired and now towards the middle of the week I am feeling like organizing and cleaning as much as I can, putting things away and even cooking dinner for my family. 

My swelling has disappeared altogether and hasn't returned after being extremely swollen last Saturday.

Friday afternoon

I am feeling truly exhausted again but not physically, I am a bit physically tired probably due to my lack of appetite and inability to sleep. I have lost a few pounds, probably due to the lack of swelling but no help from the bag of peanut M&M's I ate this week. I am feeling mentally drained though because of the surprising facts I have gotten in the last two days. OK- so I was rather positive about my progress because last week I was told the baby was head down and low and that was good, I imagined going in today and being told I was making some progress and that the baby could be here anytime. I was wrong! 

Unfortunately, I was completely shocked with the news that baby E is now breech (almost transverse) at my 37 week ultrasound with the specialist! She is BREECH..I hadn't even imagined that could be the case, but as soon as the tech said that I realized that all the vigorous movements from earlier in the week were the baby pushing herself up and turning all the way around.  I also found out were that she is 6 lb.10 oz., 18" long and very cute in a "4d image orange glow" sort of way but how could I appreciate this when I was now faced again with the C-section!

Dr. Lescale suggested I lay upside down and coax her to turn herself back over. I left feeling pretty deflated but could not spend the rest of the day sulking since I was with my little one. We spent the rest of the afternoon with my sister and her daughters which was great to take my mind off the news, sort of.

This afternoon, I had my regular appointment with my delivering OB who checked and found the baby's heartbeat in no time, then felt around to confirm the baby was still in the breech position (and she was). She then sat me up and told me we would basically give the Baby E a week to return to her previous position, if by next Friday afternoon she still remain in the breech position, she suggested setting a date for me to have an External Cephalic Version, a procedure done to turn the baby! I have heard this can hurt but I am comforted that she suggested it and seems confident about it, it needs to be done before labor begins so by 38 weeks we're within the 2-week window. 

I must remain positive and find ways to keep myself from getting down over this, I am nervous about the possibility of a C-section, not because theres anything wrong with it per se but I had imagined trying to really fully immerse myself in the birthing process this time and no rush for pain relief like I did last time (out of fear...really) but now even so I am nervous about the regular delivery as well. The surprises are everyday and I am not handling this well. I had no surprises last time, all I did was show up and give birth to a baby but this time it seems theres an issue at everyturn. Maybe my previous doctor was very conservative and felt she didn't need to tell me every little detail along the way leaving me anxious but naive. Anyway, we'll keep positive and I will attempt the frozen peas on my belly, music down south, laying upside down and doing a downward dog everyday until next week.

Week 36 has felt longer than 7 days and I can only imagine Week 37 will feel even longer while I anxiously wait. I have another ultrasound on Friday to see if Baby E has moved into a proper vertex position or remains breech. 

Week 36

I cannot believe this little baby is almost full term..wait.. yes I can! I certainly feel like I have a 6 lb baby squirming around in my belly, she's still moving around quite nicely despite the lack of space. I do feel like I have gotten to a point where I have no idea how large my belly really is, I feel like its big and it just remains that way, I can't see any dramatic physical changes in size each week even though the scale shows a significant growth every time I go to the doctors and after todays appointment, it will be weigh ins every week until the end. Yay...no yay! I have also been struggling to sleep despite how tired I feel; the obvious hinderances include negotiating the babies size right now i.e I cannot flip over and need to because my joints start to hurt if I remain in one position too long, the constant urge to go (to the loo), a voracious thirst and carpel tunnel syndrome! Yes, you heard (read) it right, I have an excruciating pain in my hands all of a sudden this week that is now so bad it keeps me up, its gone beyond the prickling, pins and needles once in a while, its pain from my the tips of my fingers to my elbows. I am now wearing a lovely Futuro arm brace to keep it at bay. This will be the first night I have it on so I'll see if it helps.

In other Week 36 news, my waddle is unmistakable at this point, I am hot at all times and need some sort of sugar fix once a day which is really out of my character, on Sunday it was Cinnamon buns. I also had a craving for an ice cold Coca-cola the other day which is strange since I don't usually drink soda. I try to respond by eating a banana or having an Honest kids juice box but the little one knows the difference! 

The ankles are still swollen, at this point they don't ever go down to normal, they stay swollen or even more swollen if I walk or stand a lot like I did yesterday. I also have pretty intense Braxton hicks contractions very often and maybe thats nothing but I never had contractions with Arielle until the day I went in so thats another new experience for me.

At the doctors office today, I had gained 2lbs since my last appointment 2 weeks ago, when I headed into the room and the doctor came in she tried to find the baby's heartbeat and could not for a few minutes (this felt more like 20 mins!) When she finally did, she felt around and remarked that the baby was really low which was why I was so uncomfortable. She also said the baby was engaged "which is good" and that the baby wasn't huge ( this was a response to my question.."is the baby huge?"). Anyway, they seem to believe in just keeping their opinion and observations to themselves instead of divulging too much so I left feeling good enough. 

I still have a strong feeling she's going to come in earlier than July 2 but its just my feeling. I just don't remember feeling this uncomfortable with Arielle; don't get me wrong, it was uncomfortable but it was the size of the belly not the pressure (gravitational pull). At this time in my last pregnancy, I recall shooting hoops at the block party but this time, I feel like she's falling out already. I was saying this evening that if I could just have a break from being "this" pregnant for a week to catch up on sleep, look and feel better for a day or two then I'll have no problem getting to the finish line (or beyond). I say 'beyond' because, I wrote 'the birth plan' last night and one of things we decided was not to induce as long the baby and me were ok SO if for some reason she feels she needs to remain inside beyond July 2 then I will keep waiting and waiting..I sincerely hope not.

Week 35

The question of the week.."when are you due?"..everywhere I go people look at me like they are in pain for me...then they ask me that question. You know you're quite pregnant when people stop asking politely, "how far along are you?" and just assume you must be a walking time bomb of some sort. People are tripping over themselves to help me do things (outside of my house..that is). I wonder if I can milk this for a few more weeks, free car washes..cleaning my house or something. I feel good though, I have not gained anything this week so thats good..hopefully the little one has realized she's out of room and needs to save her growth spurts for the outside world. 

I bought myself some new clothes this week..mainly because 'Babycenter' told me to do something nice for myself and I always follow the rules..no just kidding, I just felt like I needed a pick me up in the looks department, I was starting to look like a tired pregnant lady who loses her temper too quickly. It was to nice to fit into regular sizes albeit in a funny stretched look but still. I bought a nice dress to wear for a formal occasion I have to attend on the 2nd and I bought a Medium which fits quite nicely.

Is it me or does my belly look like its growing another stomach? whats up with that? Might the baby have dropped..this early..could she be telling me she's going to come out on time or am I going to be ordering my margaritas from a hospital bed? This is my current state..a little crazy, still trying to look cute and often irritable.

Melancholy

This Saturday started out a bit strange and continued to be quite challenging for me; it was a glorious day but I was exhausted with a capital E-X-H-A-U-S-T-E-D! I woke up at about 8am and stayed up for most of the morning, made breakfast for everyone while husband and baby were outside planting for hours. The time alone is usually appreciated but I was not handling it well, I was feeling really 'alone'. Feeling a bit unlike myself, heavy, blurred and just not normal. This was very disappointing because I had planned to either go to the The Great Googa Mooga Festival in Brooklyn's Prospect park or just check out the Thomas Bull Memorial park (some lady told me about on friday) and spend the day out enjoying the weather; neither happened.

Without detailing the actual events of the morning that set off my permanent cloud over my head, I will say that this is something I am used to and can usually get out of rather quickly on my own so as not to waste any valuable time I could spend with Arielle having fun. This time I could not shake it, I was mentally weighted, feeling doubt about decisions I cannot go back and change, feeling like I needed to convince myself that the rest of the year will turn out to be as wonderful as I have imagined it would be.

I eventually took a nap ( which I never do no matter how tired I am), I slept from noon until I peeked out and saw that it was 1:35 and I didn't even want to get up and thats what bothered me, I don't like feeling and haven't felt like that in a while..you know the feeling of just not wanting to face the day! As the day went on I tried to loosen up, I needed to feed and take care of my daughter, we hadn't even had any lunch and there I was sleeping the day away.

I'll just say that even though it took a few hours the day got slightly better with food, fresh air and summer (like) sunlight. Arielle always gets me to smile. Since my last day of class is tomorrow, I'll have a few grading issues to tie up but then I am free  to focus on having a baby. Judging from yesterday, this could be really good or really bad, I get the feeling the next few weeks will be mentally tough rather than physically, I will continue to hit the gym until June 14th which is when my 'medical' suspension (..gym speak for we won't continue to charge you for something you  haven't used in several months) begins and Arielle has until May 31st in daycare/preschool and then we're taking her out for the summer. I plan to take advantage of the next two weeks, so I'll take her in even though I'll be home just so I get sometime to myself, she gets time to play with her friends and then in June we're going to take swim lessons together at the new YMCA until I can no longer move...if this kid is anything like my sweet girl, she'll be here one week late (July 8th)..and thus making for a really lame July 4th. Yay!..NOT..!

Week 34

I am swollen, thirsty and tired..no..I'm exhausted. I could probably sleep until July and still be tired! Luckily I had most of this week off, I only had to work on Monday, then attend my sisters graduation  at Columbia University on Wednesday (which in my state is considered work because it required my getting dressed and taking the 7:57 train with a 3 1/2 year old..). and Friday. That was enough to completely put me out. The baby has been moving a lot which is still very cool to feel, the movements are much more deliberate and even visible to the naked eye..Arielle is really intrigued by the movement but I'm still not sure she realizes that there is a human being in there.

On Wednesday morning, Arie and I made our way to the train station to get the 7:57 into Penn station. We had a few hiccups..mainly because I can't run, the trains arrived and I had a stroller, diaper bag and Arielle ( who's afraid of trains!) to carry on. Once we settled in, I pulled out a magazine and she played on my phone. About 20 minutes into the ride, I felt really strange, I could not breath, I felt faint and a bit cloudy, I started gasping for air while trying not to make a scene..some passengers noticed and inquired if I was in labor, I had never felt anything like this before, I was getting hotter and feeling like I was going to faint. I called Austin to let him know partially because I wanted a distraction to see if I could get it to stop and also to make sure he knew just in case something happened to me and Arielle was alone (or with Transit police..his number would be my last call and she knows her daddy s name!) Talking to him did not help and it continued..luckily one of the passengers who was sitting close by is a mom of one of the kids at Arielle's school so I felt a bit better that she would help me or Arielle if something were to happen. Anyway, after about 10 minutes, I caught my breath and felt a bit more stable but was left with a pain in my chest and headache. When we finally got off the train I almost turned around to return home instead of trying to transport all our stuff all the way to through the station to the 1 train uptown! I did it anyway with a lot of help from strangers (who says New Yorkers aren't nice..they were amazing!). We made it uptown, into the graduation space and even found my mom and sister in the crowds! The ceremony turned out to be quite nice and we even made it lunch.

On Friday, I had another quick doctors appointment and found out basically nothing but I'm now assuming if they don't say anything, then thats good. One encouraging thing was that I met a doctor who I have only seen once, very early on and she seemed really nice and personable that day which means I'm feeling a bit better about who will be on call when labor beings. I heard the baby's heartbeat, I've gained a total of 22lbs and will be back there in two weeks for the GBS test. Yay! 6 weeks to go..may be less?

Baby Birth Announcements

Classic Birth Announcement

I don't know this baby nor do I know the owner of this company BUT I really enjoy the little cards they make and have decided to order some birth announcements from them. The place is called Pinhole Press and I found it through another blog I keep up with ( I think they may be friends). Anyway, for Arielle, I dropped the ball on the birth announcements and actually got some folks angry because they found out I had the baby through the grapevine instead of from me and felt really hurt that they weren't told, called or something! So this time, I will try not to be a lazy bum and actually be proactive; one of the things I will do in my free time between now and the first contraction will be to print out labels so that as soon as the little one makes her debut, I can snap a shot, upload it and get my cards made. Sound ambitious..yes maybe but I did say 'Try'.

I guess people like to do things online these days through some form of social media but I actually really love paper, card stock and such. Theres something really nice about actually getting your mail and having something meaningful in the pile of junk (and checks of course), I search for it like a squirrel looking for nuts in a pile of leaves. So as much as people continue to send Evites for parties, post birth announcements on Facebook etc..I will continue to favor the tactile. My impending birth is making me both excited and nervous at once, I really look forward to the change but am right now feeling like I need a break with the two people who keep me going before that number become three. I just realized a few days ago that I only have 3 free weekends of the 7 remaining before my due date and one of them is actually memorial day weekend! I am now frantically looking for a quick getaway for the three of us for the 4-day weekend but everything is booked..I am sure theres got to be some piece of land covered in sand, adjacent to water that hasn't been commercialized and sold off to the highest bidder. I literally want some relaxation without any crowds (because really I shouldn't be allowed to be seen in public let alone in a bathing suit right now) and just some quiet with the smell of ocean. Is that too much to ask?

Week 33

                               

This weeks the books say I should be going through a growth spurt along with the baby so I should gain about a pound a week for the next five weeks (until 37 weeks of full term). If thats true then I get the sense that baby E will be about the same size as Arielle was because last week I was told she is 4 lbs 2 oz. and will double by birth so thats about 8 lbs 4oz..I'm not really all that concerned about her size as long as I can make it through the next few weeks of finals week without collapsing between the train and the campus because the weight is starting to make it uncomfortable to walk and harder to breath, not to mention the lack of my ability to fit into my clothing. After this week I will inevitably revert to sweatpants or stretchy maxi dresses depending on the weather and I only really have a handful of occasion left to dress up for.

I feel pretty good except for feeling like I have elephantiasis, I have swollen feet which I haven't been able to get down. They are slightly swollen in the morning and very swollen in the evening, and the right foot is quite a bit worse. luckily the semester is almost over so I will have a lot more time with my feet up and time to workout a bit so maybe that will help.

I will miss being pregnant..I never thought I would ever say those words but theres something about the idea that there is a person living inside of me. To the outsider, it may seem a bit weird but I have gotten used to the little taps and grumbles all day reminding me she's there and she's safe.

On another note, the picture is rather deceiving, the angle and the long skirt both make me look larger than I actually am ( I feel for Jessica Simpson) but who knows I may delusional as well. 

Week 32

My baby girl at 31weeks 3 days (chubby cheeks!)

Today I had a doctors appointment with Dr. Keith Lescale, one of the best maternal-fetal medicine specialist in Westchester. I am technically (31 weeks 5 days) 8 weeks 3 days away from my due date, its an important day because, I (and Dr. Lescale) have been a bit worried about a the whole possible C-Section issue for the last 11 weeks since Dr. Lescale mentioned it at 23 weeks, so today was the day to finally see what the little girl was doing in there. I got in a bit late (of course) but the doc wasn't even there which was strange but the very friendly and enthusiastic technician came in and began scanning my belly. 

The bitter sweet of being considered "special" case, is that although you've got to go through a few more tests than you'd like to, you also get to see the baby a lot. I was just saying to my husband the other day how I feel I have become a more relaxed person because during my first pregnancy I was calling the doctor at night if for some reason i felt the baby wasn't moving enough (she was probably sleeping), I was furious they wouldn't let me have an ultrasound after the 20 week, I was so paranoid that something would happen to the baby before we got to the end point..and I was on vacation so not really doing anything strenuous at all! This time, I have postponed seeing Dr.Lescale who does the ultrasound twice already; he wanted me to come in every 4 weeks since week 23 but I decided to wait until she (the baby) was bigger and I was closer to delivery! Who skips ultrasounds..especially in 4D?

Anyway,  its kind of a really great moment to get a rare glimpse into the innards of your own body, its even better when the tech does it in 4D so we get a really 'real' image of the baby just to make us smile. So without getting completely into detail the facts are in, the baby is very very cute..I expected her to be cute but she looks so adorable in there I almost want to be at 40 weeks right now! The tech pulled up the 4D image and we all were quite amazed at how chubby her cheeks already are at 32 weeks, she's 4lbs 2 ounces, heartbeat at 139 and she's not breech! yay.

After all the fun, the doc came in and basically said I am still in the clear for a natural (non surgical) delivery for now and to return in 5 weeks when the baby is full term to take one last look. They still seem rather concerned but not without optimism. Anyway, here I am and here she is. 

Week 31

This is a bit late for week 31 but anyway, on with it. A few things could have happened in the past week and a half,

1. Either the baby grew ALOT

2. This dress makes my stomach look much larger than it is..Or

3. I am in denial about how much my stomach has grown large my belly actually is! 

I have tried not to eat any dessert this week, no cake, ice cream..candy..just grapes. I have been eating little bits for dinner because its tough to breath if I eat too much. I have been tremendously thirsty which makes it even harder to eat much because I fill up on water before I can get to eat. The baby definitely feels heavy, theres still a lot of movement and but they feel like pushing and prodding moreso than a fish in a bowl. I wonder what she's doing in there but I will soon have a inside look because I have another ultrasound in a few days ( maybe even 4D), I have to have a look at what her positioning is, how big she is and if she's getting ready to make a debut because the doc had a few concerns about it but wanted to wait until I was in the single digits of my time left to check. I am looking forward to it. I haven't seen the baby since the 23 week ultra scan so it'll be fun to get another look, maybe the last. 

I have started puting together a list of things we need to get, we are set with all big things, nursery furniture is in, car set is in the basement, monitor, moses basket, bassinet etc but what we don't have is all the little things like diapers, towels, washcloths, bathtub etc..so I guess I'll a t least make a list and have it ready if I find myself in Target in the next few weeks I will pick some stuff up. 

At this point, its really real right, it could happen anytime (in the next 9 weeks) but technically the baby is considered to be full term at 37 weeks so thats in 6 weeks and they way she's been moving around and weighing me down make me really feel like she'll be an early one. I kind of want a really dramatic birth, water breaks on the train or something..I don't know.. and I hope its on a weekend..but preferably before 4th of July so I can really celebrate my independence!

Week 30

B. The bump

A. Trying to look normal
(even though I feel like 'large Marge')

With 10 weeks to go before I experience the most nerve racking and POTENTIALLY painful yet amazing experience a woman could go through in life, I feel calm but a bit emotional. The books say the hormonal effects from the first trimester return making you feel strange shifts in mood very quickly, I feel sensitive and scared, yet confident and excited to meet a baby girl who I've fallen in love with over the last 30 weeks. I have hopes for her, I hope she comes out to be as beautiful inside as my sweet girl, I hope I am able to love her and that her sister loves her even more. I hope Arielle is able to understand that the baby isn't taking her place in my heart or more important than her but that she will require more attention initially. I hope I do not become overwhelmed by the experience and I am able to sit back and experience my new baby with as much appreciation as I have tried to have through these weeks of pregnancy. I am so looking forward to the sound of that first cry, the feeling of a small warm body new to the world with no other intuition but to find comfort in the most recognizable scent, mine..voice, mine, heartbeat, mine.

I've heard that the arrival of a second baby isn't as full on as the first because you have some idea of what to expect but I am not sure I totally agree, there are so many unknowns before I will actually meet her and take her home. Will she come early, on time or late like her sister? (and her mommy always is..I'm working on that!). Will she be a bigger baby, as they say second babies are always bigger? Will I be in labor for 24 hours and be able to bare the pain as she makes her way out? Will she be a good sleeper? Colicky?  I keep having this vision of dropping her..I know its just a manifestation of my fear for handling such delicate little things especially since Arielle's been out of that stage for a while..now when she falls we still ask if she ok but its not as dramatic as it used to be..she a rough and tumble kind of girl.

I finally ordered a crib and dresser for her room, I have a 'take home outfit' and bunting suit just incase its cold or whatever..I know its going to be July but its cute anyway. So for now, I continue to expand hopefully at a normal, slow pace..and savor silence while (when) I have it.

Baby Showers for NO.2

A. Gifts from a friend 

Is it okay to have a party for the second baby? (Start rant) YES..it is people! Its a NEW human being, DIFFERENT from the first, took just as long to prepare (with all the pains and pricks) and will take just as long to nurture through life so whats the deal with people either thinking its inappropriate to have one or treating it like its not important? The same things happens with birthday parties beyond the first birthday party right..at least for me its seems so!  I hate parties..you put all this time and effort into planning and invite people over to have a great time (hopefully) and celebrate something with you and they decide they're washing their hair that day and can't come! ...I'm not saying things don't come up and people don't get busy but being the procrastinator that I am, I know one when I see one and I can call it from a hundred yards away! If I want to attend something I'm invited to and think its important, I make the effort, I find the time and it doesn't  matter how long the drive is..even if I only can stay for a few hours and I know it means something to the celebrant, I will be there..why is this no longer the case in society..or is it and I'm just not that important? (end rant).

Anyway, here in pregnant world, its becoming harder to digest anything..food?..Yes, but thats not what I'm referring to..everything makes me upset now..I feel like the woman who plays the understudy for Bette Middler from the Seinfeld episode who cried when her hotdog fell in the sand but was completely unfazed when she receives a telegram letting her know her grandmother had died (you had to be there!). So, I found out I am having a shower being hosted by my sister in a few weeks from my Father-in law of course..and then asked my husband about it and sure enough he's knee deep in the planning, even sent out the E-vite so now I'm getting constant updates of people who aren't coming daily and its driving me crazy! I love the fact that he wants me to be happy so he is trying to wrap it all into this great party but unfortunately the guests aren't cooperating and it just makes a gal feel less than important.

Anyway, so I guess the baby shower party is my "hotdog in the sand" and the fact that I have to move an 8lb human being from the inside to the outside in 10 weeks is feeling like "my telegram" right about now.

Blame it on the goose

Got you feeling loose
Blame it on Patron
Got you in the zone
Blame it on the ho ho ho ho hormones..

Blame it on the ho ho ho ho hormones..

Week 29

I have surprised myself, I don't feel self conscious, I haven't been micro monitoring my weight, I am not completely melting down over my growing stomach and stretch marks, these are all surprising to me since I had weighed myself almost everyday for many years and keep pretty close tabs on how much I gain and immediately formulate a plan to get rid of it. Its a strange time because although I haven't gained too much, I also know the third trimester is the time that most women put on quite a bit of weight.

I haven't been as active in the gym as I would have liked but I am certainly not sitting around, I walk quite a bit to and from the train to get to work, somedays I drive but unlike the first time around where I was on vacation from 4 months pregnant until birth, this time I am up and running and it feels pretty good. The headaches are back and I'm pretty sleepy most times but in the last few days I have been experiencing some insomnia as well. So I sit up watching anything on tv or reading other blogs. I am breaking out a bit here and there but that may because of my carelessness with washing my face and also touching my face. I have been experiencing some breathlessness but not as bad as I had it with Arielle.

Anyway, now that I am properly into the third trimester, this baby (small cabbage sized) should be about 15 inches long and almost three pounds. I am getting excited to meet her.