July 10

This time last year I was swollen, scared and in the zone. I was waiting to meet my baby, one of the two most precious gifts I have ever received. I was laying in a hospital bed, shivering feverishly and wondering when she would come, how she would come, wondering if I could even get through the night. Watching my husband, older sister and mother do everything they could think off to keep me calm and comfortable and to stay calm themselves. We heard words like C-section, emergency, overdose but remained calm and focused on the goal. And then She came...

11 Months Old

What can I say...its been an interesting month with you little girl. Since we returned from Nigeria, you've been practicing your walking mainly while taking advantage of how fast you can move on your feet. In the last week or so, you've gotten considerably better with your balance on your feet and surprisingly have become friendlier now that you can walk. I am almost always in awe when I look over and see you standing almost half the height of your sister and realize that I have two beautiful daughters...I have two of you..it overwhelming. Your remain a calm and easy baby for the most part. You have taken very well to formula practically weaning yourself (so much so that daddy didn't even realize it had happened until this weekend..and its been several weeks.!) You eat very very well and have been sleeping through the night in your crib to my delight. I love to cuddle you in the morning even though I'm usually in a rush to get to work but luckily you also love your nanny Aneta too which make it bearable to leave you. You still suck on your tongue when your tired to sooth yourself and have become very fond of your Aden and Anais blankets as a safety. 

You went swimming for the first time the other day and loved it..you also went on a trampoline for the first time and really loved it even though you were a bit hesitant at first. You have begun to pick up words and mimic what we say, you do say "hi" a lot and if course you respond to your name when you here it. Its so funny to watch you waddling around like a little penguin, every move makes me happy and panic at the same time. Of course with mobility come bumps and bruises which I could do without but you don't want to be carried anymore, you want to be on the floor exploring and so you do but sometime you miss the table you are reaching for and bump your head..( I had to Photoshop the bump on your head out of these pictures!)

You are an absolute joy, you love to hug, you aren't fussy at all and you most of all are able to show love to all of us in such a lovely way so that we each understand how much you care for us and we certainly love you too. 

p.s. party planning is in full swing!..someone is going to be 1 soon!

10 Months Old

Evalie..I don't know how to even describe you in a words. You are the funniest little person I've ever had the pleasure to meet. You have developed such a great sense of humor and love to smile at all times. I look at you and smile and you return it so gracefully. You give your light like morning...You are happy, you are still working on your walking, you take about five or six steps before you revert to crawling, probably because it helps you move as fast as your sister does. To my amazement, the two of you play like there isn't three and a half years between you. You are two peas in a pod! You guys bathe together, eat breakfast together, your cuddle each other ( when you let her) and I'm sure a lot more when I'm at work. 

You've got so more teeth coming out, now maybe about 51/2 teeeth. You've been eating more solids than drinking milk..partially because we were forced to ween and transition to formula last week. Luckily, you have absolutely no problems with it. whew! You like quinoa, ground turkey, you recently tried turnips which went over very well. Your hair has grown a bit more but its still slightly to short for a real pony tail. Its getting a bit tougher to photograph you because you are always moving, laughing..etc. You do the funniest dance when a song you like comes on..it looks like you might take off because of how hard you fla your arms. I love you smile, your big eyes get squinty like half moons, and your cheeks    become even more pronounced..it the easiest way to lift my spirits.  

Although you had an ear infection last week, you are doing well. You are still in the 75th percentile for weight and 90th for height. You really don't like the doctors office ( you cried through the entire visit from the moment Dr. Dietzich walked in the door!) I look forward to your next month and I love you beyond words...but you already know that.

9 Months Old

my sweet little Evalie is 9 months olds, I know I'm quite a bit late with this but things have been just going on without leaving me the time to really do anything besides keep the ship from sinking. I have been also feeling especially unwound, uncomfortable..something, just not completely present at anytime. I digress. This little bugger somehow, without talking is able to detect my feelings, she looks at me and seems to truly feel what I feel and then gives me so generously the biggest, cutest two tooth smile you've ever seen. Its what I live for these days, she's making little sounds and moves, very close to walking ( SHE'S WALKING...NOW..), eating everything...its all impressive but quite honestly, I am still completely fascinated by her ability to fill in the spaces for me. She is a little light in all of our lives, she lights up things with her big eyes and one can't help but be thankful for such a gift. It's funny because I often find myself looking at her now on the outside and recalling times when I felt the same comfort from her in my belly. She really has blossomed into a lovely little girl. She smiles constantly, she claps.( I know most 9 month olds do) but its still adorable to see.

I miss her dearly when I'm at work and look forward to her extremely animated expression of excitement when I peek my head in. It's the hardest to walk out in the morning with her crying in the arms of the nanny..its even hard on her sister as well. She suggested staying home from school ( which she loves) just so her sister wouldn't feel sad. Arielle is very generous with her love towards her sister, its so sweet it hurts. Its unbelievable for me to watch them playing peek-a boo or splashing in the bathtub together,   I had never imagined having two kids..little girls. 

Evalie is now weighing in at 20lbs and 28.75 inches tall, and she finally has enough hair to make a tiny little ponytail. It greatly transforms her look..from baby afro to little girl. Some people seem to think she looks more me with her hair that way so I'm favoring it for now. She still has her two teeth but as of yesterday I see another cropping up in the bottom and one more coming in at the top in the front as well. I love my little mini..you truly complete our family, your personality is reserved but friendly and you certainly have the same sense of humor as your big sister. I miss my baby as I see you move from one milestone to the next but you will always be my baby buzzy!

8 Months Old

 At eight months old, you have a mind of your own. You are determined and daring, you get what you want somehow either by crawling very quickly to it or making sounds that let us know what you're thinking. You are very funny and enjoy laughing with your sister (and getting into everything she's doing). You eat most things now and are able to feed yourself little pieces of food. Since you already have two front teeth, you even chew croissants! You are desperate to walk, its actually very funny to see you stand and then let go and then look around to see if we are watching you..you really seem proud of yourself when you do that..although it scares us since its usually right next to living room table. You keep us on our toes at all times. You recognize who we are and when we come and go, you express such joy when daddy, Arielle or I return from a day at work or school.

You have adjusted nicely to the nanny, your no longer cry when I leave but I think its made you a bit more clingy at night, you are refusing to sleep in your crib so for the last few nights you have been sleeping in our bed..its a habit I'd rather not encourage but you're so cute..And I'm so tired.

I sometimes refer to you as my bussy bee but you really are kind of a little goat..you are really into chewing on paper..fuzz..plastic wrappers...anything thats supposed to be in the trash. Its kind of funny and I can't keep up with you.. (right now you are chewing on an unopened pack of baby mum-mum!).

My dear little girl, you can light up any room with those bright brown eyes, I love to see you wake up with your afro and you open your eyes so wide and smile so big when I say good morning. 

Although you are still in the in the 90th percentile, your growth has slowed a bit, you now weigh in at 19.2 lbs and are probably 27 inches tall by now. You are still bringing us much joys and surprise everyday. We love you.

7 Months Old

I see the baby in her slipping away so fast, she is the sweetest, smiley little bundle of chubby love. She is my little baby who is now 7 months old. Evalie has had a very tough month, she has been sick for what seems like 6 weeks. She been on 4 different types of medication at a time, as at one point had to take in more medication than food. As a result, she has lost a few ounces this month, she has lost her appetite and was up until a few days ago waking up every two hours for hugs and love and very hard to put back to sleep. This is unlike her and has taken a toll on us all, we've been tired but also really missed out friendly daring little bubble. Over the last few days, I have seen a dramatic change in her which has really been great, her nanny even remarked on Friday how much fun she had and how happy she has been. It tough to leave a little one here with a non-family member and only hope she exhibits as much patience, love and care as I would especially in the situation we have been in. I do think she has though because she seems to be very aware of even the littlest signs of change in Evalie..things only mothers notice or care about. Speaking of things only a mother could love..poop has also been a real issue or the lack there of! She just stopped going for weeks but alas I think this has also resolved it self...

Now onto the good news, Evalie eats real food now and rather prefers the non pureed versions of things...yes..yes..yes..I monitor her while she eats and I serve only things in little pieces such as her dinner the other night was Turkey Bolognese with alphabet pasta. She loves it so we will be trying other things this week..one at a time and 3-4 days apart to check her reaction to it but its another reason I started out the post the way I did..shes really growing up.

Evalie is extremely verbal, she talks and yaps and squeals and shrieks while she plays..she also groans when she wants your attentions or doesn't like what you're trying to do to her. She's still working on getting herself comfortable with the bottle but I think we are all convinced she is being selective, the nanny says she drinks the bottle very happily while I'm gone but I've never seen it happen because she won't take it from anyone else, not me, not dad, not grandma, not aunty..

Arielle is really surprising me everyday, she is very careful and cognizant of things her little sister needs, her non-verbal communication with her is beyond anything I could have imagined. They play together and Arielle protects her so much. I really am thankful each day that they remain close and happy, Arielle no longer feels any form of jealousy, she sees her as a partner in crime..Evalie looks up to her.
At her last appointment, Evalie was about 18 lbs and 27 inches in a slightly lower percentile for her age 90th instead of 95th but still doing great. The doctors are happy with her progress and development. She's thinned out a bit, her hair is growing rapidly ( see the mini-fro) but she's got the cutest little feet. She seems to like music, she bounces on her bum and flaps her arms over and over when she excited, its really funny. She laughs at most things..like her sister acting like a jackhammer..(you have to be there)!

Now for the big news..she is MOBILE...she crawled for the first time yesterday, she actually moved herself a few inches..not by stretching, not be rolling bot backwards but actually crawling on her hands and knees..it was really great to see her do it. I was so proud of her! We were all sure she was going to just walk instead of crawling because she showed no interest in being on her tummy instead she is always looking for something to grab onto and prop herself up. She cruises along low puffs, tables and stands at her discovery box instead of sitting now.. As you can see..even during my photo-shoot..she was hard to keep down.. she wanted to stand surf..on a rocking chair! So I am a happy mama to have my cuddly little cherub back.

To My Valentines// 2013

I love you two more than words can say...Happy Valentines day.

Evalie discovers// Light..

I love that I still have a chance to be witness to the little discoveries my children make. Its these moments that make being a mother worth every minute. That she is able to see, smell hear, touch and feel. She senses that this magnificent light must be something worth looking into, how does it feel? We  surround these little people with distractions but they are able to remind us that the world is enough of a discovery box for them and theres still a lot to learn from it. 

6 Months Old

At six months, a whole half of a year old, my sweet little Evalie seems to become so much more of a perfect addition to our family, she got a sense of humor, a little stubbornness, a lot of sweetness. She has made such great strides this month, from actually TAKING THE BOTTLE...yep I said it..she finally can be away from me and not starve..its great! She also has been exploring the world of fruit and vegetable purees made by moi..she's had acorn squash, butternut squash, carrots, peas, apples and maybe we'll try pears tonight. She had tofu last night which she couldn't quite maneuver in her mouth so I'll hold off on that for a while and stick to the things that get silky smooth when pureed. She is also eager to walk, she has  anew trick of standing up and holding onto anything that will hold her up..she skipped rolling over and went right in sitting up so I won't be surprised if she's skips crawling in exchange for walking. She's also become a bit leaner and really slowed down on the weight gain. She weighs 17.1lbs now which is still good for a six month old but I expected her to weigh a lot more if she had kept up with her growth patterns from birth. I attribute it to both me being gone and the nanny being with her all day and her refusal to the bottle. But  she does eat cereal, veggies and fruit while I'm gone. Her and her sister actually do quite well together , Arielle even likes some of Evie's things like the mum-mum rice rusks..and her discovery box so they bond over theses things! 

 Over the holidays, everyone was sick and Evie did get a bit sick but did ok, unfortunately, even though she had no fever, she ended up with a infection in one ear and now the other, so she's been on antibiotics for weeks already, which worries me  and it has also made her really insecure. She wakes up at night for comfort and needs me to cuddle her in order to nap but I suppose it could be worse...  

These days..

These days, I am thankful for quiet mornings folding laundry with my little girl. She sits and plays while I organize her cloths. We smile at each other and silently assure each other that everything is OK. She doesn't realize how much her smile assures me. Happy Monday.

20 Weeks Old

At 20 weeks, Evalie you are 16.9 lbs and 26 inches long. You are definitely going through a transition because you now insist on sitting on the floor so much so that you slide off the lap of anyone carrying you just to get to the floor. You've also discovered the Exersaucer which you really seem to like as well and you are quite steady in it as well.  Last week you had you 4 month visit and Dr. Jamie says you are perfect and has instructed us to start you on solids and so since Thanksgiving was just last week, we chose Acorn squash as your first vegetable. I baked some for Thanksgiving dinner with a maples-soy ginger glaze but for yours we steamed plain (with some water). Last week you had started Happy Bellies oatmeal cereal mixed with mommy milk which you don't love but will eat. Tonight you had your second helping of Acorn squash and to my surprise, you liked it, you even fussed every time I sat for too long without giving you any. Of course you are still working on not pushing your tongue out at me when I try to feed you but I think you'll be pretty good pretty soon. You do make some chewing movements so I know you are trying to get the food back.

On a less happy note, you are teething and today must have been a big day in the process because you have cried so much today, that I am happy to see you quiet right now (sitting on the floor, playing with my feet). You've been tugging at year right ear and been generally unhappy all day but I resisted giving you Tylenol before I tried everything else and after a bath and squash I think you are OK..for now. I will call Dr. Jamie later if we have a tough bedtime. Anyway, as usual..you loved you bath and love playing with your sister.

Your face seems to be changing from a little baby look into a very cute girlie look but I still can't get over the cheeks, I still remember when the ultrasound tech saw you in 3d, she immediately gasp.."oh my gosh, look at those cheeks" and sure enough, your cheeks look like two eggs hanging off you face..its absolutely adorable. I love you little girl. 

3 Months Old

Dear Evalie,

I love you so much. By now most working mothers return to work, I can't even sustain the thought for more than a second without my heart breaking. Your presence makes me want to do better for my girls, I want to be present and am desperately trying to hold on to every minute I have with you. I know I am lucky, not only because I am able to stay home a bit longer but because I was blessed with you. It makes me believe there must be a higher plan for us, I cannot always control what happens as much as I'd like to but I know I was meant to be your mother. I knew it before you were born, I remember feeling a calm I hadn't felt in a while in between all the ups and downs of pregnancy, I had moments where I felt connected to you as if I already knew you. I was a mother before you came but you are redefining that for me; in your own way, you are showing me myself as a second child, the second daughter.

You continue to defy all my anxieties. At three months old, you are a doll, you are still very friendly and smile at anyone who talks nicely to you. You are developing very well all on your own, its  no wonder they say your brain grows the most in the first few years of life. Without much effort from me, you are doing very well holding your head up while on your tummy, and trying very hard to SIT UP, sometimes I forget you are only 3 months old. Your sister sat up for the first time at 4 months. You now LAUGH at things I say and you aren't as scared or easily startled anymore. It doesn't seem that you've had any growth spurts this month, in fact I feel like you are eating (and pooping) a bit less. You have outgrown almost all 0-3month old clothing and are fitting nicely in the 3-6 month clothing. The big news is that this week, you decided you needed your beauty sleep and started SLEEPING through the night, so bedtime is at 10:30 and you sleep right on until 7:30-8:00am! Its great. You may be teething which is why you are almost always covered in drool but you seem to be handling it well. Because you are so calm, I have finally been able to return to the gym this week and the caretaker in the gym already loves you. She says you're a breeze! Our only challenge is the feeding, I am a bit anxious about you not taking a bottle but I partially responsible for it, I feel comfortable with our current schedule so I barely force the bottle on you but since we have at least 3 months left together, we will work on it. Maybe it'll be easier next month when you start on solids. 

Your sister adores you and you adore her as well, you gaze up at her in amazement watching her flip and jump on the bed ( she's an energetic little one!). I know everyone says this about their children but I truly feel like you were the perfect addition to this family. 

Returning to work

I don't think any woman really realizes the enormity of the task of becoming a "mother" until you are so deep into it and falling apart at the seams that you wonder if it will ever be "normal" again. There are the fairly over-publicized issues like weight gain, labor and delivery process, pink or blue layettes, nursery furniture etc. that we all expect but things like postpartum depression, emotional attachment, professional identity and parental responsibility are subjects left untouched or at least overshadowed by these less critical issues. I am knee deep in that right now, as I have offers for jobs I would have jumped at just a few years back but cannot even negotiate getting to the job interview right now because I have a little 3 month old baby who needs me and a 4 year who must be picked up from school. I use the word 'need' deliberately because at three months old Evalie is not yet willing to work with me on taking the bottle, and so I must build my schedule around her feedings. I have just managed to return to the gym last week and have really felt the difference from doing so but at the end of the day, I realize that I am trading the rigor of the workplace for the time I spend at home with my kids and getting healthy. Its no secret, I feel extremely anxious about this especially because I knew (from my first experience) that the birth of a child is 95% the responsibility of the mother. You must sacrifice everything and maintain a home while the husband returns to normal almost immediately. I just wonder if there is another way to handle this, I definitely feel like the more family you have around the better it is but I don't think the inequality in parental roles are ever really equal or reversed.

Side by Side

These days everyone who knew Arielle as a baby is joyfully reminded of her by her sister Evalie. They usually say "oh I see Arie"..in her. So I decided to try to find images to compare to two and really see if they look that similar. Coincidentally, we took some pictures of Evalie the other night during a bath knowing we had some of Arielle as well, so here it is, the side by side of both girls at 3 months old. ( Evalie will be 3 months in a few days). I think they actually look nothing alike but I love them both beyond words!