Nigeria Trip // Day 8-Lagos grandma's party

The main reason we all hauled ourselves over to Nigeria in the first place was for my grandmothers 90th birthday celebration. We had all agreed years ago that we would all go home to visit for it so when it arrived we got ready and went home. It was a surprise for my grandmother and really nice for us all to spend a concentrated 10 days together seeing as we live so far away from each other and only get together every so often fro weddings or graduations. 

Grandma's birthday party started out a bit slow for us because we had partied a little too hard the night before, not going to sleep until after 2:30am and having to be up and dressed by 8:30am. I realized when my alarm went off at 7:30am that I am no longer the spry youngster who could stay up late and get up looking and feeling great. I felt like I had been through a storm so I went back to sleep. I heard a sound and opened my eyes to my mother standing over me fully dressed telling me she was leaving without us! I jumped up and started trying to scramble myself and my daughters together but it just wasn't happening. Mom eventually left with my husband, cousin and nieces but myself and my three sisters were still trying to get ready. When the driver returned to get us, we rushed out knowing we were late but hoping everyone else was on Nigerian time (to be fairly tardy is customary and expected) as well. We arrived 45 minutes after scheduled time for the start of the service and walked in with our heads down but others came after us as well. 

There was prayer, blessings, singing, communion and rejoicing for grandma and this was only the beggining. When the service ended, we served lunch, the traditional party food of Nigeria, Jollof rice and chicken. I went into the back to change and feed Evalie and suddenly heard this loud music, we glanced out the window there were a troop of Abang dancers performing vigourously. The colorful outfits, drumming and cowbells filled the courtyard of my aunts house and soon enough everyone poured outside to join in. My grandmother was brought out in her wheelchair to see the traditional efik dancers and you couldn't capture the joy she had, you had to be there. Even though her eyesight is failing and she cannot walk very well, she was able to dance in place and she smiled for the first time in a while, she was very happy surrounded by her kids and their kids and the kids. Honestly it was over 100 degrees outside but we just couldn't go in. We stayed out and danced, the kids danced too. It was absolutely amazing. 

The crowd was filled with family and friends, many generations of the family all at once together celebrating the woman without which we wouldn't exist. 

When we finally tired out, we went in and took a break to cool off. My mom and aunt changed grandma and the little girls. Once everyone was changed, we headed to the Pattaya Restaurant for the dinner party. The place was nicely decorated and very quickly filled up with people from grandma's church, friends of the family, a lot of us and then grandma arrived and the party began.

The restaurant was located in Victoria Island so as usual we got all cool and refreshed but then sweaty in the car ride over because for some reason the cars can't handle the heat in Lagos. The Pattaya venue was air-conditioned so we got some relief as soon as we got in. Evalie was miserable by this time, she just didn't like the heat one bit.

Nigeria Trip // Day 6-Langtang

The next morning was nice, we woke up bright and early after sleeping for maybe two hours..maybe less. The kids were exhausted so I snuck out to take another cold shower and get dressed. I was happy to see the morning light, to look out the window onto the landscape I spent so much time exploring. It was surreal. I had looked forward to sitting under the itilum tree fro many years, it represented a time in my life where things were stable, simple..nice. My dad even had someone construct this table into the existing rock formation because we sat up there everyday and although we had these leather chairs that balanced nicely on there, there was never anywhere to put a dink down without it falling and breaking. From this very spot, we learnt many childhood lessons, we (my siblings and I)  got know our dad, we met many people, we watched some great celebrations..we bonded as a family.

This morning, the place was already filled with local visitors waiting to talk to us ( as my father would have) but all I wanted was solace. I wanted to walk around, take it in without being watched or followed. This wasn't really realistic because they were so compelled to talk to us because we had been gone for so long. 

After some breakfast, we all got in the cars and drove out. I knew we were going to visit a few people around town but I had no idea what was really about to happen! We started by visiting my uncles home where his mother lives and then many other homes of my extended family ( if you hadn't noticed..I have an enormous family..). The location is referred to as the Garba compound..its basically a development with constellations of huts and some masonry buildings which the family resides in. The roads were largely unpaved and I remember thinking that this might be one of only places in daily life that a hummer is useful..certainly not on route 17 in New Jersey! We were totally off- roading at this point.

I was surprised by some of the sentiment that remained amongst the people, when we visited Manta ( another wife of my grandfather ( it was customary to have more than one..), she was ecstatic to see us, she greeted everyone enthusiastically and then came the chicken...yep..she gave us a live chicken from her backyard. This would be only the first ( chicken..) we would collect for the day.

After visiting the "mamas", we took a drive about 15 minutes up into a higher location then had to get out of the car and climb up a rock to visit the Ponzhi Taroh...this was unplanned..but really worth while because when we got there the view was amazing...in more than one way. So there we were without the Bjorn, sleeping 9 month old in sandals, dress shoes and heels climbing up this rock formation in about 100 degree weather. We hiked up and finally arrived at the location of the ancestors..

We all cautiously approached the gathering area and there he was draped in an animal skin and twig crown. He greeted us and we we returned the greetings but since he didn't speak English it was a bit challenging to make small talk beyond that. Arielle wasn't convinced..as you can see. She was very skeptical and whispered to me "mommy..is he a witch?" 

We took some photographs and roamed around for a bit then he spoke..whatever he said prompted one of the boys there to chase down a chicken (the chicken gave him a run for his money too)..this must happen pretty often. Once he caught the poor chicken, he presented it to my mother who actually received it with her bare hands! Nice!

As we headed down, I took a minute to marvel at the land from which I am. I appreciated the pride of the people for the land, the people we met and what we saw. I was also trying really hard not to drop my Evalie!..doh!

They are modest settlers but some of the happiest people I've met, they are extremely resourceful and have the first principles of passive, off the grid living down better than many. The grow, live, sow and pray to the asme land. This part of the trip for me was very meaningful, it was something we did with my father, he would warn us as kids..when you get up there don't point, don't shake his hand and don't touch the rock with the skull. It was just as intriguing to me twenty-something years later.

We drove from here about two hours back to Jos, had lunch and waited..waited and waited for a plane that was to take off at 4pm but didn't leave Jos until 11:30am! 

Nigeria Trip // Day 5-Langtang continued..

Within minutes of our arrival and exchanging pleasantries, my uncle proudly took us on a tour through the house because he had spent quite a bit of time and money renovating it so it was livable, we all know that an empty home deteriorates at a pretty rapid pace..and its been empty for a decade. As we walked through each room, I became more and more relaxed and relieved to be there. I looked forward to the night, the kids began to relax, we all started to put our things into various rooms and settle in. We felt a strong breeze from a window in the stairwell and looked outside just in time to catch an enormous storm about to hit us. we quickly closed all the windows and the rain began. The folks there told us that it hadn't rained in months so it was very strange that a heavy rain/hail storm began within minutes of our arrival. My husband believes in signs and I often laugh at the connections he draws but this time, I felt something too.

at about 4:00pm

at about 4:30pm ( look in the background..storm coming)

The storm was furious, the sound of the raindrops on the roof were so loud it was like being inside of an instrument. Surrounded by people who I recognized (by face) but couldn't really name to save my life, we talked and laughed cautiously. It was a kind of uncomfortable gathering, everyone looked pretty serious and even though this was our home it didn't feel completely so anymore. They eventually served us dinner which was prepared by my aunt (who lived with us for many years when I was you  and practically raised my brother and sister) but even she was a bit cold. It was as if they were thinking that we had abandoned them for a better life in the United States and now, when we thought we wanted to recreate the past , the had to cater to us for the few of days we were there. It was weird, we were very gracious though. The kids must have been starving because as the platters of food (some of which they aren't even accustomed to eating) came out one after the other, they crowded around the table. There was roasted meat and pepper, masa, fish stew, spaghetti, tuwo shinkafa and green leaf soup. 

After everyone ate (and I mean everyone..) the evening got to be pretty interesting and hot..hotter..humid, people started to maybe go a bit stir crazy. There wasn't any cable TV or really anything to distract anyone. No IPad, Ipods. Iphones..etc. it was bizarre..we had to talk to each other.. and about what?
I started to panic as I often do when things start to get silent and I feel compelled to keep the tempo up at an even pace at the least. We had brought some wine, Absolut and beers from Jos with us but of course like everywhere else in Nigeria thus far somehow only the beer was ice cold while everything else was warm. All i wanted was a cold drink. This was all going against my norms! I love ice! and I felt compelled to google something..anything!

It was extremely humid and considering the was an AC unit on in every room in the house, it should have been freezing but for some reason the units weren't able to combat the heat. 

My cousin did have his digital tools so he was able to zone out while fiddling on Facebook while the rest of the guys took refuge outside in a gathering with the extended family because it was cooler.. ( so they said..!) As I peeked out the door to get some cool breeze, the scene was pretty crazy and I saw what was really going on, they were drinking brukutu! bad idea guys!..we had warned them to beware of what they ate and drank but they didn't listen and now they were out there drinking the locally brewed (fermented) alcoholic drink right from the calabash! I also noticed that the same stoic faced aunt from earlier that evening who had also been giving us a hard time over marrying Americans and had to be banished from the living room for being to rowdy was ...wait for it...yep...doing push-up in the corner? Why you ask..I have no idea..blame on the..?..this was really nuts..

On the inside, the three little girls kept themselves occupied with imaginary games and eating carrots my mom had bought from a street vendor on the way in. Evalie on the other hand was getting progressively more and more irritable and  impatient, she was hot and tired but had become a bit clingy over the last few days because people kept trying to take her from me and she had slept in many different beds over a span of a few days..we tried to keep her entertained and cool.

Evalie eventually fell asleep dripping in sweat with grandma fanning her. My cousin put on some music, we sorted pictures and talked about the past. Around midnight. Evalie woke up uncomfortable so we decided to give her a bath in a blow up duck tub. That was helpful and cooled her off although her cousin (my sisters baby) was not happy when it was his turn. Over the next few hours people started to give into the heat and turn in, I took a cold shower and put the kids to bed. Austin and I sat in bed (two separate full sized beds..) for a while just wondering if we would actually ever go to sleep.