3 Months Old

Dear Evalie,

I love you so much. By now most working mothers return to work, I can't even sustain the thought for more than a second without my heart breaking. Your presence makes me want to do better for my girls, I want to be present and am desperately trying to hold on to every minute I have with you. I know I am lucky, not only because I am able to stay home a bit longer but because I was blessed with you. It makes me believe there must be a higher plan for us, I cannot always control what happens as much as I'd like to but I know I was meant to be your mother. I knew it before you were born, I remember feeling a calm I hadn't felt in a while in between all the ups and downs of pregnancy, I had moments where I felt connected to you as if I already knew you. I was a mother before you came but you are redefining that for me; in your own way, you are showing me myself as a second child, the second daughter.

You continue to defy all my anxieties. At three months old, you are a doll, you are still very friendly and smile at anyone who talks nicely to you. You are developing very well all on your own, its  no wonder they say your brain grows the most in the first few years of life. Without much effort from me, you are doing very well holding your head up while on your tummy, and trying very hard to SIT UP, sometimes I forget you are only 3 months old. Your sister sat up for the first time at 4 months. You now LAUGH at things I say and you aren't as scared or easily startled anymore. It doesn't seem that you've had any growth spurts this month, in fact I feel like you are eating (and pooping) a bit less. You have outgrown almost all 0-3month old clothing and are fitting nicely in the 3-6 month clothing. The big news is that this week, you decided you needed your beauty sleep and started SLEEPING through the night, so bedtime is at 10:30 and you sleep right on until 7:30-8:00am! Its great. You may be teething which is why you are almost always covered in drool but you seem to be handling it well. Because you are so calm, I have finally been able to return to the gym this week and the caretaker in the gym already loves you. She says you're a breeze! Our only challenge is the feeding, I am a bit anxious about you not taking a bottle but I partially responsible for it, I feel comfortable with our current schedule so I barely force the bottle on you but since we have at least 3 months left together, we will work on it. Maybe it'll be easier next month when you start on solids. 

Your sister adores you and you adore her as well, you gaze up at her in amazement watching her flip and jump on the bed ( she's an energetic little one!). I know everyone says this about their children but I truly feel like you were the perfect addition to this family. 

Vito Acconci \\ Sculptural subway entrance

New York City is a unique city for architecture,  within its fabric there is a place for everything from iconic structures to what some refer to as progressive, contemporary or experimental architectural ideas. Its fun to walk or drive around and see things you've only seen in books or didn't realize was even there.  Here's an  example of that, I noticed this train stop at Coney island a few weeks back and took some quick shots of it before we left. 

subway entrance for the elevated F/Q trains at Coney Island

West 8th Street-New York Aquarium

VITO ACCONCI (ACCONCI STUDIO)

Wavewall, 2005

Steel, ceramic tile, granite, fiberglass

The inspiration for the station's design was local sites - the historic Coney Island boardwalk and Cyclone roller coaster, the aquarium next to the station, and area beaches. The station is on the approximate site of a former roller coaster ride. The architect, wanted to transform the exterior station walls in a unique way. Working with the architects, artist Vito Acconci developed an architectural treatment for the station façade that is full of life. As in successful collaborations, there is no clear delineation between the architecture and the art.

Before rehabilitation, the windscreens blocked ocean views; the new windscreens open up the platform view of the Atlantic Ocean. In the artist's words, "The normally horizontal and vertical steel windscreen tubes and panels have been transformed into a more sinuous form that evokes the notion of a wave, or that of motion as in the Cyclone or the subway itself." The result is a striking and unique subway station that fits into its special surroundings. (via...)

Returning to work

I don't think any woman really realizes the enormity of the task of becoming a "mother" until you are so deep into it and falling apart at the seams that you wonder if it will ever be "normal" again. There are the fairly over-publicized issues like weight gain, labor and delivery process, pink or blue layettes, nursery furniture etc. that we all expect but things like postpartum depression, emotional attachment, professional identity and parental responsibility are subjects left untouched or at least overshadowed by these less critical issues. I am knee deep in that right now, as I have offers for jobs I would have jumped at just a few years back but cannot even negotiate getting to the job interview right now because I have a little 3 month old baby who needs me and a 4 year who must be picked up from school. I use the word 'need' deliberately because at three months old Evalie is not yet willing to work with me on taking the bottle, and so I must build my schedule around her feedings. I have just managed to return to the gym last week and have really felt the difference from doing so but at the end of the day, I realize that I am trading the rigor of the workplace for the time I spend at home with my kids and getting healthy. Its no secret, I feel extremely anxious about this especially because I knew (from my first experience) that the birth of a child is 95% the responsibility of the mother. You must sacrifice everything and maintain a home while the husband returns to normal almost immediately. I just wonder if there is another way to handle this, I definitely feel like the more family you have around the better it is but I don't think the inequality in parental roles are ever really equal or reversed.

Meatpie Recipe

I may not be an expert chef and by no means claim to be a fantastic chef either BUT I try, to make things that I and my family like to eat. Meat pies are a bit time consuming but pretty good transportable and reheatable food (within reason). The ingredients are also rather versatile so these neat little packages work with most peoples palettes.  I have made these a few times and decided to take a few picture this time while making them for International day. Its fairly easy to make but requires some advance planning and a little extra effort when working with the pastry dough.

Makes 24 medium size pies

Ingredients
8 cups of All purpose flour
4 sticks of butter (softened)
2 cups water (ice cold)
3 lbs Ground beef
2 eggs

Salt -to taste

1 teaspoon red pepper flakes 

1 teaspoon black pepper

3 maggi cubes

1 medium yellow onion-diced
2 tablespoon of olive oil
Mixed vegetables- peas, carrots, corn (optional)
Potatoes- chopped (optional)

Preheat oven to 400 degrees

For filling:

1. Heat olive oil in a skillet and add diced onion, cook until translucent and soft
2. Add ground beef, salt, to pan and brown. Add Maggi cubes, red pepper and black pepper.
3. If using potatoes, chop and add to pan and cook until softened ( they will continue to cook in the oven..)
4. Add mixed vegetables and cook for about 5 minutes.
5. Set aside to cool.

For pastry:

1. Put half the flour and half the butter in a bowl and begin to fold together using your fingertips until it becomes a grainy like the consistency of breadcrumbs.
2. Add 1 cup of water and knead together to form a ball and seta side.
3. Repeat process.
4. Roll out dough to a 1/4" thick onto a clean, floured surface and cut out 6" circles. 
5. Take each circle and roll out a bit more then fill with 4 tablespoons of filling on one half of the circle.
6. Wash the edges of the pastry with egg and fold over to close.
7. Using a fork, seal the edges of the pastry, poke the top as well to allow steam to escape and set on a cookie sheet.
8. Repeat process until done.
9. Using a brush apply egg-wash the tops of each one.
10. Bake for 20-25 minutes or until golden brown. 

Serve with a good pepper sauce on the side.

4. roll out dough

6. Fold over and close with fork

9. Eggwash