Happy Birthday// to me

A few days ago I hit what I refer to as "middle aged", although its not technically considered that but for many reasons, I feel like it is within my current perspective on life. Its always an interesting week for me because for most of my life except for the first two years, my brothers birthday has been the day after mine, you see he interrupted my 3rd birthday party with his entrance into the world and really has stolen my thunder ever since (he would agree..). He's my only brother from a family of seven children and he was greatly wished for and had been greatly celebrated ever since his arrival so I guess its OK but really..he could have waited a few more days rather than to disappoint a whole bunch of three year olds who came out to eat cake.. but I digress. 

Anyway, since 2001, the day before has been charged with somber remembrance of the day the two planes were hijacked and flown into the World Trade Center towers in NYC and this creates the sandwich that is my birthday. I have become rather cynical about celebrating my birthday over the years not for any particular reason really; I'm not afraid of age or getting older, I'm the first to announce my age to anyone who wants to know ( even if its thought of as a faux pas) so maybe I just lost the vigor for it in general. The day I was born is probably most special to my mother, because she did all the work that day, I just came out and slept probably! So, I had always imagined this year to be more glamorous, nights out on the town after long days at my posh job in the bright white corner office looking over central park, with a secretary names Susie, then a few months back I decided to come back to earth and just to have a big birthday celebration and then lost all my steam by July and as things happened, the weeks flew by, there it was was staring me in the face, my birthday was here and I had nothing to do, I was crossing this line into the middle-age, in pajamas, with unkempt hair, spit up on my arm, smelling like old milk! This was what my life had become..I am a mom........and these two little ones are the best gift I could have given myself. 

So one of my sisters called and asked if I wanted to go to lunch which forced me to clean up and leave the house, with one daughter in school and the other in tow, we went to lunch and had martinis with our salads, talked and laughed about old times and new (she is a new mommy too.. to a lovely little boy). After lunch, it was such a nice day that we decided to go shopping and then take the kids to the playground for a while. And in the end, there was a celebration, not the kind I had dreamt up, but the a respectable one,  dinner and cake..impromptu with people who care and some who just happened to be there..