40+3

July 5 2012

My patience is starting to wane, I am starting to feel defeated, I am starting to doubt if this will happen before Friday naturally, I feel like a motor being jumpstarted but not having the ability to sustain. My frustration is showing on the surface, my daughter is feeling it mainly because three years olds ask a lot of questions and mine is quite persistent about what she wants. 

The July 4 celebration was quite nice, I spent most of the day napping then had family over for food and drinks in the late afternoon which was nice to keep my mind off my current state. After everyone left, the little one was bathed and in bed, the kitchen was cleaned, I settled in to bed. At around 11:00pm I started feeling some contractions which I ignored off course because I just could not handle another false alarm but then I realized they were painful and long and pretty frequent..one glance at the clock revealed that they were 7 mins apart..so I got excited. We both sat up waiting to see if it would become something but of course in true "braxton-form" they stopped around 1:30am and I went to sleep only to wake up to the bright light beaming into my room this morning...still pregnant! As you can see, she is also still growing (I feel like I look horrible...my mom says its not that bad), I am swollen and I am drawing more unsolicited commentary when I dare go in public. I am beside myself. 

Notes on pregnancy

After yesterdays lackluster doctors appointment, I found that nothing's going on in terms of the baby arrival but I am in good health and we heard her strong heartbeat so trying to remain positive. I have been scheduled for a non-stress test for Friday at 3:00pm (assuming I'm still with child..).

Things I will miss about being pregnant:

1. Feeling little taps, pushes and hiccups from the little person within.
2. The anticipation of meeting a new person that is a perfect balance of myself and my husband.
3. Lycra being acceptable to wear at all times
4. People smiling at me just because..
5. Shopping for tiny sweet little things...
6. Healthy hair and nails
7. watching my little girls face light up when she sees my belly move or feels it kick her when we cuddle.

Things I will not miss about being pregnant:

1. Weight gain
2. The anxiety of the last few days/weeks
3. Swollen extremities and facial features (my nose)
4. Painful joints making walking a challenge
5. Flatulance
6. limited attire (flat shoes..)
7. Carpal tunnel
8. Constipation
9. Sleeping on my left side
10. feeling tired all the time

D-Day: Thoughts on the day

July 2nd 2012

Today is my official (doctor issued) due date. It is just another day for others but for me I feel different, not because anything has occurred or I am somewhere different, its just because it feels like something should be happening and its not. My husband got up and left to work as usual, we've had breakfast and watched the weather as usual and now we are getting ready to step out and play. I will see the doc this afternoon and probably return home for a nap. But this day marks something important, it marks a moment where the past and future seem to exist simultaneously, its certainly a trying time for women in their pregnancy because many don't deal with anxiety of the unknown well, many may be uncomfortable and tired, but its best to try to reflect on the last 280 days and realize the magnitude of the new journey one is about to embark on. Eat something good, enjoy a nice bath I suppose and just be. It's hard not to feel sad but its even harder to understand the sadness, the baby is still thriving, she will be here soon and demanding all attention so I see this kind of as a marker for the mental adjustment one needs to really grasp, fully, the larger picture of this time, beyond the first real contractions, beyond the labor, beyond the first's and onto the in between days..the everyday, the normal, when all the novelty is worn and you need still make the little one feel special and be made to feel special as well.

p.s. was still hoping for a relaxing July 4th with my summer cocktail..but this is slowly fading away by the minute..

#1:Carnivals

So the last day of June (my last day of Week 40) was spent playing, like a kid, I promised myself, I would fully engage in a day of play with my little one and not think of the baby for one second. I would put my best (swollen) foot forward and just play, watch her have fun and take in the scenery that is summer carnivals. The sounds of rides and kids being thrilled as they pull through the air fearless, the smiles on their faces once they come off and run to their parents proudly waiting, the smells of Elfie the cow waiting to be milked by any willing to try. It was all good and we really enjoyed it.