12 Months Old

Oh my sweet little girl, we made it and in one peice. Happy Birthday my dar]ling little girl. Nothing could have prepared me for the amazing little person that you have become. Last year at this time, I was clutching a tiny little 8 lb baby wondering how I would be able to raise another daughter; I was wondering how I would introduce you to my Arielle. I wondered what you would be like. I had only imagined for the last 10 months how this little girl could be, could change our family and you have absolutely surprised us every step of the way. You are like the glue that holds us together, you fit in with the nuts that make up our family, you are strong and funny and smart and...everything. Your grandma thinks you are "advanced" which is fine with me  but I'm just happy you are mine. I remember before you were born, so many people (even my doctor) would say you can't possibly make a baby as cute as Arie..and well, while you are very different you are absolutely all I ever wanted. I absolutely adore you and so does your sister, your cousins Shaina and Helena, your aunts and uncle. Your nanny Aneta love you too.

This week has been especially exciting for me because you have begun to exhibit an understanding for what we are saying to you. We ask you to dance and you oblige by stomping your chubby little feet on the wood floor and spinning in circles. we say clap and you you do so very happily. You love to dance, run ( which is a it scary for me), you are a fantastic eater, you basically eat almost anything including your sisters meals. Your stability on your feet is  much better, your hair is growing into a full blown afro. You love water, we had you at the beach and a water park this month and you responded fairly well when your daddy thought it was good idea to dunk you under water! We definitely appreciate how laid back you are, always smiling unless you are tired. Speaking of sleep, you are really fantastic with that too, at around the same time everyday unfailing, you are ready to sleep and you go to your crib without much fuss and sleep all night until the morning, in fact you wake up and just lay in bed not really making a big deal until you here the sounds of someone else awake. 

Well, now that you are one, what now? We love you to bits and can only hope you remain safe, happy and as funny as you currently are.

July 10

This time last year I was swollen, scared and in the zone. I was waiting to meet my baby, one of the two most precious gifts I have ever received. I was laying in a hospital bed, shivering feverishly and wondering when she would come, how she would come, wondering if I could even get through the night. Watching my husband, older sister and mother do everything they could think off to keep me calm and comfortable and to stay calm themselves. We heard words like C-section, emergency, overdose but remained calm and focused on the goal. And then She came...

Montessori School

Soon after Evalie was born, my first daughter started arts and crafts camp in the local middle school, it gave me a few moments to myself while the newborn slept but once it ended and Evalie was about a month and a half old, Arielle got bored. She had been going to the same daycare for years ( since she was 10 months old) but I took her out just before her sister was born for the summer. Since I intended to stay home for a few months, I thought I would balance both kids, teaching Arielle while Evalie slept. It proved to be really challenging and a bit frustrating for both of us. I noticed her need for more challenging problems and interaction with kids her age so I looked into the Montessori school by us and got her registered after only one trial day. She joined the spanish alternate language class because it was the only class that had an opening three weeks into the school year. The school also had Mandarin and French alternate languages classes comprised each of kids from 3-5 years of age.

Although I was skeptical about its teaching methodology and not totally convinced by the casual attitude encouraged in the class, I now can tell you that its wonderful and it works. An d so my shy, clingy little girl can now read, spell, write and offers us daily knowledge about things like the water cycle or the skeletal system etc. She asks the most inquisitive questions and make insightful comments on daily occurrences..oh and she speaks some spanish (which could possibly be from Dora..but thats another story!) She made lovely little friends and I think has grown up quite nicely over the last 10 months that I desperately wanted her to stay there for another year...It became a real struggle at home between myself and my husband because his parenting philosophy differs from mine quite a bit so he felt feels she should join in the ranks of the other 1000 kindergartners in our county and get on the yellow bus instead of being driven to school by mommy and walk the cafeteria line with her tray instead os eating my lunchtime creations..idk. 

Anyway, I will miss her school dearly and am trying very hard to remain open minded as the fall approaches and her first day of school as a real students comes. I will cry and I hope I don't chicken out and re-enroll her into the Montessori School but for now we'll miss Mrs. Brown, Ms. Danielle, Mrs. DeJesus, Stella, Mia, and William..Arielle's special friend!.

Sick.

You ever feel out of sorts but don't know why? Like you want to spend a good hour crying in your bathroom and then take a nap just in order to get back to normal? So fragile of a temperament that any little mishap or disappointment seems like the end of the world? Well I do sometimes..it creeps up on me, mostly catching mu unawares until I have an extreme melt down and either scream at the top of my lungs or get sick.  Its something I've dealt with all my life but only realizing it as an adult and trying to control it somewhat. In this case, I had a very very strange feeling at work the afternoon, I was nauseous ( no I'm not pregnant!), I felt physically sensitive, my head was spinning, my heart was pounding, I was freezing even though it was 90+ degrees outside and I had a light wrap on. I had thought I was bit out of it that morning but ignored it to maybe being tired but by mid afternoon, I had to leave, I went home, bypassed the kids and nanny and went to bed for a few hours, I was in pain..everywhere..I could not eat but I was hungry, I was thirsty but couldn't imagine putting a drop of liquid in my mouth without gagging. I got out of bed for a dentist appointment ( I know..I'm a great patient huh?) and to do the evening shift of baths, pajama race and dinner. luckily, by the time I go home form the dentist the hubby had done most of this and I got to lay on the couch. After spending a little time with the kids and husband that evening I went back to bed..I remember looking outside and thinking it was still light out! 

Anyway, I feel better and its now the weekend so I plan to relax for two days and I was offered the week off from work, which I may also take..since half of the week is Fourth of July celebration anyways! I don't know what triggered this reaction, I have been a bit upset over a loss of a family member for over a week but not fully able to deal with it, I've been a bit flustered by the influx of negative RSVP's for Evalie's first birthday party from the husbands family members since I really would not have planned such an expensive party if not for them and I've been feeling like I haven't spent any real quality time with my kids in months because it feels like we are always rushing out somewhere. I do the morning rush by myself before the nanny gets in I have to feed the kids and get myself ready also. Now that Evalie walks I'm constantly nervous she's going to hurt herself because she's still very wobbly. Breathe. 

I guess, I need to be a bit more aware of my place in life, I'm older, I have two kids, I work full time and then some, I don't exercise enough and I worry a lot. I am constantly on the edge or on the verge of a meltdown it seems these days..or I'm dreaming of being away..like a 10 day vacation on a beach somewhere with very tan people misting my face and serving frozen cocktails. I 'm making a promise to myself to relax more, worry less, appreciate my simple life (simplify it even more..), not be bothered by other peoples shortcoming and be healthy. So there.!