Mother's Day

I had thought 3 years ago (after being a mom for 6 months) that becoming a mother had changed me tremendously but what I have realized is that it continues to change me over time, everyday in every way. at every moment, that relationship is redefined, its never constant and the feelings I experience are always changing, they shift from one extreme to another and everything in between but they are all amazing. I am happiest when I can sit with my baby cuddled next to me and just be quiet, its the only pure moment left in my day. Everything else seems crowded, intense for no reason, contentious, nervous, rushed, uncomfortable but in that moment when all I have to do is wrap my arms around a little body and not even speak but still convey how much love I feel for her, its pure. I think I was made to be a mother and she was perfectly sculpted to be my daughter, we have similar personalities but she has a sweetness that has really softened me and revitalized the romantic dreamer in me which I thought I may have lost. (Arielle, you will never really know the kind of effect you have had on me, I love you.)

I woke up feeling a bit run down (allergies, headache, tired..) and extremely hungry so I went hobbled downstairs and got myself some tea and a yogurt while I waited quietly for my little one (the monkey..) and husband (the bear..) to wake up. Amid the snores, snorts and rolls, I had some quiet time to myself and thought about the fact that I was about to become a mother again. I have just over 6 weeks, which could be just over 4 weeks or more ( if she decided she's had it with my confines), she'll be full term in 3 weeks. From my position in bed I glance up and have a direct view into the baby's room and her crib; we had put a bookcase in the room and finished up some little projects in there on Saturday evening after back to back birthday parties so the nursery looks 'done' and ready to receive a baby. Its kind of amazing how it came together, I really stuck to the the initial sketch I had made months ago.

Anyway, Mothers day took off when they woke up and stepped out to get breakfast stuff, when they returned I was extremely hungry and a bit grumpy but things went  pretty smoothly; in our house I usually cook but this morning my husband made breakfast and cleaned up afterwards! They also brought me beautiful orchids, cards and a little potpourri container which Arielle made at school and had hidden behind the curtain for two days all by herself. It was really nice that she actually 'gets' what mothers day is. She said to me at one point "Are you having a good mothers day mama? because..you are a mother (mudda)!", in her best 'matter of fact' tone. 

I still felt a bit sleepy and had told them that all I wanted was a nap, so they both left me to sleep when I fell asleep and I got a good 2 hour nap in, I woke up feeling much better (to Arielle and her little friend tip- toeing through my room getting toys out!). We then went to a late lunch, home depot (to get hardware to hang my new mirror-gift as well) and Home goods just to look around for any little additions for he baby room (Austin said it lacked color!). I found two nice rugs that I had wanted for very affordable prices, a large rattan rug for the kitchen and a yellow chevron for the nursery. Shopping and goods deals always put me in a great mood!

He had also planned an extravagant dinner but we were so full from lunch that we instead got a strawberry shortcake on the way home to have for desert instead. It was a nice day and everyone was sleeping by 9:30. 

Week 33

                               

This weeks the books say I should be going through a growth spurt along with the baby so I should gain about a pound a week for the next five weeks (until 37 weeks of full term). If thats true then I get the sense that baby E will be about the same size as Arielle was because last week I was told she is 4 lbs 2 oz. and will double by birth so thats about 8 lbs 4oz..I'm not really all that concerned about her size as long as I can make it through the next few weeks of finals week without collapsing between the train and the campus because the weight is starting to make it uncomfortable to walk and harder to breath, not to mention the lack of my ability to fit into my clothing. After this week I will inevitably revert to sweatpants or stretchy maxi dresses depending on the weather and I only really have a handful of occasion left to dress up for.

I feel pretty good except for feeling like I have elephantiasis, I have swollen feet which I haven't been able to get down. They are slightly swollen in the morning and very swollen in the evening, and the right foot is quite a bit worse. luckily the semester is almost over so I will have a lot more time with my feet up and time to workout a bit so maybe that will help.

I will miss being pregnant..I never thought I would ever say those words but theres something about the idea that there is a person living inside of me. To the outsider, it may seem a bit weird but I have gotten used to the little taps and grumbles all day reminding me she's there and she's safe.

On another note, the picture is rather deceiving, the angle and the long skirt both make me look larger than I actually am ( I feel for Jessica Simpson) but who knows I may delusional as well. 

Over PROTECTING our children

My sweet girl 

Its no secret that I am a cross between a helicopter mom, a tiger mom, a self professed attachment parent and a mush! I've gone from being a nervous wreck over the news of having a daughter to not being able to even leave this little girl without falling to pieces. I know its partially my fault that she is also rather clingy, she melts when she has to leave me, she melts when she's had to leave her cousins, she's genuinely saddened when family hang outs have to come to an end. She loves so hard already that I'm so afraid for what life's ups and downs will do to her heart and spirit.
I certainly hope she has everything she's ever wanted and never gets turned down or let down but thats not possible and its healthy to know what it is to lose someone you love or not to get your way or win all the time, the issue is that its my responsibility to teach her that concept and how to cope (and in a few weeks..I'll have two!) I'm not sure even I have developed my coping skills to  a degree where I feel completely secure in giving others life defining advice/ guidance. I know, I know, she's only 3 1/2 and she must develop some of this on her own from mistakes and such but its really hard to see your little one hurt isn't it?  So how do I do this?  Still thinking?

If I may digress, I thinks that's been the shift in my mindset, now as I'm expecting another child, and I am still surprised by the fact that I'm not nearly as anxious as I was to meet my first. By week 33 the last time around I was so, so, so anxious I thought I would burst but right now, I realize that in 7 weeks I will have a baby girl and I am okay with that and the time left before we meet. Knowing the littlest is safe in there just swimming around with no idea what's out here is so comforting to me and of course, I take her with me everywhere.

My sweet girl and one her friends (what do 3 year olds say to each other?)

Anyway, so how do young-ish moms (and dads..I suppose) who work and therefore leave their children for the whole or part of the day feel about the type of care the kids get and the effects of the experiences your children have outside your protection. Yes, she's only 3 1/2 but she expresses herself quite well and when we discuss her day, there are things she tells me that make me proud and there are things that make me want to just quit and take care her myself..I will warn you this is the 'mush' part of me speaking now so you may not think this is as critical as I did last night..but my sweet girl has been drinking a larger juice box this week (Yes..its THAT dramatic!) and has had two accidents during nap time at school this week, so I asked her about this before bed and she said she felt embarrassed because Michael C. (yep I'm calling him out!) was laughing at her while she was changing! Immediately my mind starts racing.."why was Michael C. in the bathroom while you were changing?.."Why wasn't your teacher helping you?"..."Did she stop Michael C. from harassing you?"...I bombarded this little girl with questions hoping something she says would make me feel better about this. I'm not sure if she felt as bad as I did, and if my line of questioning might have recast another light on the experience for her. 

I dont think, its okay for little kids (boys and girls) to change together..is that wrong? I don't appreciate the teacher telling my daughter that she doesn't need help changing because she's a "big girl"..and I certainly have no appreciation for Michael C. making fun of my baby because she had an accident ( I got my eye on you little boy!) So am I overreacting? Should I say something to the teacher or is this just par for the course?

I've heard people's feeling on this kind of attachment parenting or overprotection of your children, that it results in 'spoiled and bratty', 'undisciplined', 'disobedient' and even overly independent children but I tend to think that theres enough they have to deal with so early on that my role as a mother needs to cushion some of those realities for as long as I can. 

Barn Project Part I

A. Existing Barn Structure

As  architects, we don't yet have a consistent strategy for finding architectural projects/work, we both work full time jobs in practice and academia and in the past have basically have applied for some projects and gotten recurring work through some of these past clients, colleagues and acquaintances. This is normal in architecture especially for smaller firms; word of mouth and networking is really the norm but in general we treat every project with care and try to go above and beyond the clients requests so they come back when they need more work or refer us to others. 

B. Verifying measurements

Things slowed down over the winter and due to the economic status but once in a while we'll find a project that seems worth the extra effort and I think this might be one of those. We met with the client who is an artist and talked about how to convert this barn located in Highland NY into an artist space. The project would consist of various studio spaces and gallery space in a picturesque setting, alright so its not Italy but its a nice quiet location in upstate NY.  The project seems interesting enough and could be fun for us because of its size (pretty small) and what it entails. As usual the budget is small, at least for architectural services so we're doing it basically for free..or to be fair it may provide enough to pay for the baby's furniture (crib and dresser). Why would an architect work for free? Good questions..well we basically get the experience and the opportunity to work on something you think you may put a project you think is worth. 

So far we've been paid to survey the entire barn, do a code review (sort of) and produce drawings to describe a renovation of the exterior (clean, paint and restore original wood cladding) and interior (new concrete slab/grade beam, interior partitions, insulate and close walls, 'close' it (so its climate controlled not open to the environments) re-design and re-frame two roofs and add some fenestration. 

The first visit was for a quick meeting and survey so we brought our little one and she had a good time pretending to be an architect. It turned out she was pretty helpful in holding the other end of the tape measure until she lost interest! The worst part of surveying old buildings is the dirt and possible "other inhabitants" in the building, in this case there were some birds nests, cobwebs galore, a possible fox and small bugs but I've been surveyed a building where we walked in and there were squatters living (and relieving themselves) out in the open  in the building along with a host of dead animals etc..luckily this was not that bad. Anyway, when its done I'll post a part deux to show the outcome.