4 Months Old

11/11/12

Dear Evalie,

All of a sudden my sweet little baby, you are no longer a wobbly little body, you have gained enough strength to sit yourself up, you reach for your toys (and everything else) and put them in your mouth, you hold tight onto fingers..and bite sometimes. Its as if it occurred overnight, you woke up and now you are so aware of everything..when I leave and come back I love the light in your eyes and way you wiggle to show you are happy. When I put you down in your crib you always look around at your surroundings until you feel secure and then your eyes slowly close as you fade into sleep. I love the way you laugh when I make funny sounds. You also seem to really like the wooden toys hanging over your bouncy chair, you bat them and talk to them happily while I cook dinner. You still have the "I'm not impressed" stare on your face mostly but when you want to, you do flash a wonderful smile to most people. I especially love when you sleep, I get to catch a glimpse of you smiling and I know you are happy.

I often think of this song (Sade-The Sweetest Gift) when I watch you....
Quietly while you were asleep

The moon and I were talking

I asked that she'd always keep you protected

She promised you her light

That you so gracefully carry

You bring your light and shine like morning

And then the wind pulls the clouds across the moon

Your light fills the darkest room

And I can see the miracle that keeps us from falling

She promised all the sweetest gifts

That only the Heaven's could bestow

You bring your light and shine like morning

And as you so gracefully give

Her light as long as you live

I'll always remember this moment.

As time passes, I can only hope that as your dreams develop that they are fulfilled. I also wish that you and your sister nurture your bond and grow closer than you already are. There's nothing better than having a sister and being the baby sister, you get all the love from your big sister and learn from her as well. Your fascination for your sister is so evident, you sit and watch her with so much focus, its clear you want to play with her. And she adores you (for example, tonight she's asked to take a bath several times tonight even though she hates baths because I said I would sit you in with her.) I am grateful for every moment I have with you and your sister, it's truly the best time of my life. And you are truly the sweetest gift.

New York..ers

I've always felt somewhat uncomfortable calling myself a New Yorker even though I live in New York and have ever since I moved here from Nigeria when I am seven except for a brief stint in Philly for Graduate school. I have worked in the city and had lived in Jersey City (which it took me all of 10 minutes to get into the city via PATH) but really I think when people think of New Yorkers, they imagine a certain hip kind of person who frolics through shops all day in the most daring fashion and a big Starbucks Latte. Well, unbeknownst to some, a lot of New Yorkers (the people who actually work!) live outside the city and commute into work everyday by train, bus or ferry. Post Hurricane Sandy, this group has had to become even more resilient to say the least because a regular hour and half commute has been made longer, its actually quite hellish trying to get to work. My husband leaves before the sun is up and still doesn't get in until almost 10am..today he drove to catch a train in 

New Jersey because the trains are running on altered schedules, this train goes all the way to Hoboken (which is out of the way of you're trying to get to Midtown), he then gets on a bus which drives through the Holland tunnel and into the Port Authority (42nd street) to then walk back down to his office...as if that wasn't bad enough, today he had to get off the bus and take the ferry because there was a traffic jam and the buses were stuck. So I say, kudos to the sea of black coats and I understand why you don't flash smiles in the mornings...because you're tired and on the verge of losing it! 

"I don't like brown.."

First meeting between Arielle and Evalie: Evalie was a few hours old.

I felt a sense of panic as my daughter uttered these words the other night! I knew she did not mean it in the way she complains of anything I put on her that isn't pink and frilly, I was sure this time she meant color..brown skin color! It wasn't as straight forward as I make it sound, it was evening time, after dinner and we were getting ready to head to bed. I had been watching The Voice earlier on and off and just happened to put it back on when a brown skinned contestant named De'borah came on to sing (..quite well actually) and because Arielle never stops singing, I asked her what she thought about the girl singing..her response, "I don't like her, I don't like brown". I was a bit taken aback, I wondered what she meant, the girl wasn't wearing brown and what did brown have to do with her singing anyway? So I pressed her to explain what she meant by this, she wasn't really into the conversation so I reminded her gently that I was brown and so was her grandma and in fact she was brown ( at least 1/2) too..she asked "Is daddy brown?" I said "No, he's not". So, as I rattled off people who were "brown" that are part of her family, she eventually said, "I love you because you're my mommy and I love everyone in my family". So I quickly texts my older sister who also has two mixed race daughters and asked if she had had to deal with this in the past? She suggested to ask her more specifically if anything had happened which made her feel like she didn't like "brown" people.

The next morning, while getting ready for school, I asked her about what she had said the night before and she didn't really seem bothered by it. She just insisted that she didn't like "brown" not because of anything..her teachers name is Ms. Brown but she's not, she has one brown skinned girl in her class who she says she doesn't play with, so basically the only "brown" people she interacts with are myself and my family. I'm not sure what else to do, I've addressed it but I'm not sure I was able to clearly articulate that all people should be treated equally regardless of their color and how do you even convey that to a four year old?. And more importantly, I am really conflicted because I feel bad..slightly offended, I deal with this everyday, when I am out alone with Evalie, people often remark "that's a really cute baby" they assume she isn't' mine because she looks completely Caucasian maybe except for her curly black hair, when Arielle is with me and calls me mommy people are a bit less surprised because she's a bit darker and has long, extremely thick curly hair. 

Once again, I'm faced with trying to identify and explain her place in a world of black and white as a mixed race, mixed religion child. I know she thinks she is white and Catholic but she isn't and I have to find a way to make her proud and confident that she is both because its going to be more and more relevant as she grows up, while her religious affiliation may be less so. Any thoughts?

16 Weeks Old

At 16 weeks, Evalie still breaks my heart every time I look at her and she smiles so brightly. Her eyes are like these amazing little lights, she's already perfected her "wrap you around my finger" brow furrow. At night, once in a while she'll wake up crying, it seems, just for a little cuddling and no matter how tired I am, I savor it. I breath her smell, I hear my thought against her rhythmic snoring, its the best I feel all day, I love it.

My little girl is also now able to sit up and for quite a while. (she already almost 17 weeks by now but last week she decided to sit up on her own!) I'm not surprised because she has been trying to sit up by pulling herself up for weeks now, she is very determined to be upright. Its great to see her growing but if course I feel my baby cuddling time slipping away. I can only hug her tight while she sleeps now because when she's up she makes sounds, she's sucking her fingers ( and drooling), she's very curious and therefore distracted by her environment. 

I have been wrapping the Boppi around her waist for about a week to support her midsection and I guess its given her the confidence to stay up. Also, tummy-time is working quite well, she rolled over abut a week ago but hasn't done it since, she doesn't mind laying on her belly anymore but she gets tired and does a face-plant instead of rolling over. 

It's amazing how much she's changed, she really looks like her big sister at this age the only difference is that Arie had a lot more hair at this point. Evie has shorter hair right now so I try to put little headwraps in her hair like the one she has on but usually she's wearing a hat since its gotten rather cold.