Week 40: T-7 days

Source: Similac.com

With one week to go (until the due date), I am uncertain, slightly terrified, very tired, have serious back pains, sort of nesting (even though I detest that word) and in a state of suspended reality. Hmm.sounds complicated but its really not right..theres a human being in my body right now that is no longer this 'concept'..she's fully grown, fully functioning and in control of my life at the moment more than she has ever been. How is she in control..well, she is really heavy, it feels like she's tearing my insides as she burrows her way down south which terrifies me because I am barely prepared to deliver an average sized baby right now let alone a baby over 9lbs (Arie was 8lbs 3oz.)! I say I'm uncertain simply because each time I have seen the docs recently, they feel around and say something like "she's LOW.." and then look at me like I should have some sort of reaction or explanation for this..(I'm thinking..OK? go on) then they ask if I have been having contractions and I say "yes for over a month" (I'm thinking...so what?) They aren't into internal checks so I have no idea what could be going on down there..then we end by her saying "ok see you in a week if not before" with a smirk. Its rather annoying! I am also "slightly terrified"..for the same reason, "very tired"..for the same reasons, "backpains".. I am hoping this has something to do with her coming out soon since today the pain feels completely different than any other I have had, it feels like a combination of a belly ache and back ache if thats possible to imagine but then again this could be from the Taco's last night or from overdoing it tis weekend ( Long drive to Adventureland.. and all the cleaning..) 

At the moment things are tense here at the house, anxiety, nervousness and anger..yes..anger..who knew this could be the case at a time when we are about to be welcoming a new member to the family but everyone is kind of on edge and the tension feels like a pinched nerve (sciatica..anyone!). Anyway, one good thing that came out of all the dragged out tension this weekend was a pretty clean first floor of the house (kitchen, family room, breakfast room, formal dining room and living room) and thats a good amount of the house so at least most of the house has been "nested".. I helped a bit but I could barely move by evening time and then we went grocery shopping and stocked up on a good amount of food for the week. I just can't bring myself to do the freezer stocking thing..I have no idea what to cook and freeze..its a bit much for my brain right now..I also hate frozen then defrosted food and eating the same thing for several days..yuck.

Anyway, I really just wanted to record how I was feeling today for myself to remember because I don't remember feeling anything but frustration last time while waiting for my overdue baby. I found a note today in an old baby book that the husband had written the night I went into labor with my daughter which said I had been -2 station, 80% effaced and 3cm dilated at about 8pm at the hospital when we got in last time and that was after having pretty strong contractions (or so I thought at the time) from 7am that morning, my daughter wasn't born until 11:49am the following morning..ouch!

The best part of the day is how close the 'before' and 'after' are right now, I sit and can feel her pronounced little part prominently through my skin, she is aware of us, she can hear us, she can feel me poking her, she can hear Arie saying "come out"..its quite surreal that she's just on the inside of me and will decide in a few hours or days that she wants to come on out. This has certainly been a crazy experience comparable to none.

#8: Pool on a hot day

Nothing beats a 98 degree day spent in the pool with friends, snacks, music and a cool breeze. It was nice to discover this pool by my sis house for the kids to play in so we spent hours there watching them have a blast. Looking forward to many more summer days sitting out there.

Week 39

Its almost surreal to even be writing week 39 down, I have one week left (technically..) I can't believe I'm at this point, I must say that a lot but its really crazy to think I could have a newborn any minute (I am exaggerating, since theres no sign of the baby really coming any time soon)! We are beyond prepared, except for giving the house a good cleaning and sterilizing bottle and pump parts but I still feel strange. I am caught between the anxiety of the unknown and just being so, so extremely exhausted. I really do want to meet the littlest one on the outside and cuddle her delicate and new little body, but I know its not going to be a cake walk and that every experience is different. I also realize that the due date signifies that I will be having a baby but also that I need to get that baby out and that is not something I have prepared for, in fact I think I am denial as to how the baby will actually get here.
I have taken no classes and my plan is to try to work within the moment, from the moment it hits. I don't even know what the docs protocol is, I could try calling the office and not get anyone..I don't know. With my first baby, it started in the morning, so the office was open, my husband was home and I didn't have a toddler that needed to be tended to but this time, I have been getting contractions at night (like at this moment..), they say its faster the second time and we will have to get the little one to my moms or sisters house. I just really hope it all goes smoothly..I like the idea of action..but not too much, I don't want to overwhelm my little girl, she's very sensitive to things and is already quite nervous about me being away, so much so I am thinking of letting her stay in the hospital with me after the birth or going home early if they'll let it.

As far as my physical state, I am quite uncomfortable at night, the carpel tunnel is now in both arms, my hip gets sore and certainly moving or flipping in bed is a chore. I have been having some Braxton hicks which are pretty strong when they hit, its a wonder I haven't jumped the gun a few times and called the doctor. If this were my first baby, I'd have been a real pain in the 'you know what' because the BH contractions feel real but I don't know if they are doing anything. Walking is a challenge but I think thats good because at least it could mean that the baby is no longer floating and may be locked into position for good (no more breech flips)!

I have no other real signs of labor..it would be nice to go slightly early (or on time) but thats just not my luck, I'm aiming for July 1st at the earliest which is fine (in one week) but if I go past that date then I may just have to consider alternative techniques to get her out before 4th of July, I wish I just weren't so uncomfortable because quite honestly, I was content with being pregnant until last week or so when the pain just really became unbearable. I actually feel the nesting urge..I want to clean up the house but the thought of spending even a couple of hours dusting, mopping etc makes me tired; I want to walk several miles everyday but I don't have the energy, I want to play with my little girl but I'm exhausted. I don't remember being this tired the first time around. I wonder who these women are that work until their due dates..or until they are ready to go into labor, what do they do for a living? I could not imagine having to catch the train right now and walking a few blocks to work..I would need a nap as soon as I got in. Onto week 40..hope its good!

#9: Macarons (not to be confused with macaroons)

Cakes: Sweet Bloom Cakes

What can I say, these macarons look absolutely delicious..and I know that I'll only have these cravings for a few more days after which I hope to return to my normal, paranoid, calorie counting..not pregnant 'self' who does not have an appreciation for sweets at all. I would love to have these delivered to the hospital for the nurses (and myself of course) as a token of my appreciation assuming all goes well...or as a bribe depending on the situation. We had to practically bribe the nurses at Phelps with tons of coffee grounds and doughnuts when Arie was born because we were so tired that we wanted her to stay in the nursery for the night but they wanted her in the room with us, we could hardly change her diaper, swaddle her, she would not stop crying..it was a tough learning curve but I love every moment when I look at her now..

Excerpt from http://www.seriouseats.com/2007/10/introduction-to-french-macarons.html:

The macaron's origin isn't clear, but it may have been brought to France from Italy as early as 1533 by Catherine di Medici and her pastry chefs. Macarons gained fame in 1792 when two Carmelite nuns seeking asylum in Nancy during the French Revolution baked and sold macarons in order to support themselves, thus becoming known as "the macaron sisters." The macarons they made were a simple combination of ground almonds, egg whites, and sugar. No special flavors. No filling. Just 100% cookie.

It wasn't until the 1900s that Pierre Desfontaines of Parisian pastry shop and café Ladurée decided to take two cookies and fill them with ganache. Today Ladurée continues to be one of the first stops for macaron-crazed fans in Paris. No longer a humble almond cookie, the macaron turned into a versatilely flavored treat with a thin, light crust briefly giving way to a layer of moist almond meringue following by a center of silky smooth filling.

The basic equation for a macaron reads like so:

1 part cookie [ground almonds + egg white + sugar] +

1 part filling [buttercream, ganache, jam] +

1 part cookie [ground almonds + egg white + sugar] =

1 complete macaron [happiness]