Week 40: T-7 days

Source: Similac.com

With one week to go (until the due date), I am uncertain, slightly terrified, very tired, have serious back pains, sort of nesting (even though I detest that word) and in a state of suspended reality. Hmm.sounds complicated but its really not right..theres a human being in my body right now that is no longer this 'concept'..she's fully grown, fully functioning and in control of my life at the moment more than she has ever been. How is she in control..well, she is really heavy, it feels like she's tearing my insides as she burrows her way down south which terrifies me because I am barely prepared to deliver an average sized baby right now let alone a baby over 9lbs (Arie was 8lbs 3oz.)! I say I'm uncertain simply because each time I have seen the docs recently, they feel around and say something like "she's LOW.." and then look at me like I should have some sort of reaction or explanation for this..(I'm thinking..OK? go on) then they ask if I have been having contractions and I say "yes for over a month" (I'm thinking...so what?) They aren't into internal checks so I have no idea what could be going on down there..then we end by her saying "ok see you in a week if not before" with a smirk. Its rather annoying! I am also "slightly terrified"..for the same reason, "very tired"..for the same reasons, "backpains".. I am hoping this has something to do with her coming out soon since today the pain feels completely different than any other I have had, it feels like a combination of a belly ache and back ache if thats possible to imagine but then again this could be from the Taco's last night or from overdoing it tis weekend ( Long drive to Adventureland.. and all the cleaning..) 

At the moment things are tense here at the house, anxiety, nervousness and anger..yes..anger..who knew this could be the case at a time when we are about to be welcoming a new member to the family but everyone is kind of on edge and the tension feels like a pinched nerve (sciatica..anyone!). Anyway, one good thing that came out of all the dragged out tension this weekend was a pretty clean first floor of the house (kitchen, family room, breakfast room, formal dining room and living room) and thats a good amount of the house so at least most of the house has been "nested".. I helped a bit but I could barely move by evening time and then we went grocery shopping and stocked up on a good amount of food for the week. I just can't bring myself to do the freezer stocking thing..I have no idea what to cook and freeze..its a bit much for my brain right now..I also hate frozen then defrosted food and eating the same thing for several days..yuck.

Anyway, I really just wanted to record how I was feeling today for myself to remember because I don't remember feeling anything but frustration last time while waiting for my overdue baby. I found a note today in an old baby book that the husband had written the night I went into labor with my daughter which said I had been -2 station, 80% effaced and 3cm dilated at about 8pm at the hospital when we got in last time and that was after having pretty strong contractions (or so I thought at the time) from 7am that morning, my daughter wasn't born until 11:49am the following morning..ouch!

The best part of the day is how close the 'before' and 'after' are right now, I sit and can feel her pronounced little part prominently through my skin, she is aware of us, she can hear us, she can feel me poking her, she can hear Arie saying "come out"..its quite surreal that she's just on the inside of me and will decide in a few hours or days that she wants to come on out. This has certainly been a crazy experience comparable to none.