Nigeria Trip // Sidebar

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So I have been in a bit of a funk since returning and feeling slightly less than perfect..why? you may ask. Well besides the normal struggle my brain has with change, adjusting to being back has gone fairly well except for the lingering negative feeling I have left over from comments that were made or not made while on the trip. If you've ever had the pleasure of meeting a Nigerian person or more specifically a Mother-figure (Mom, grandma, aunt..older cousin..or really any female who feels like she is in a place to have a say in your life) then you may have experienced the kind of brash, honesty these folks are known for. I try not to get bothered by other peoples comments anymore but because of the condensed schedule and high level of exposure this trip entailed, I felt a bit overwhelmed by the stream of comments about my weight. Its normal for these types of comments to be shared, I've grown up this way, in fact its trickles down from the top to the bottom, no one is spared and its not the kind of gentle, quiet whisper from a friend, its a loud, dramatic, public kind of comment to let let you know you've gone beyond the acceptable size for a woman. Its a cultural thing, here in the States, comments about a persons weight are a very touchy subject but in Nigeria, its just par for the course. 

I know I'm not a supermodel, I'm a mother of two (8 months old and 4 years old) who used to savor my time at the gym but has not had the time to indulge in my 2 hour daily gym sessions since I was in week 34 of my pregnancy. While everyone was happy to see us, the second (sometimes first) comment out of some of my relatives mouths was a gasp about how large I was, alternatively, they would shower my sisters with compliments on how great they looked and just look past me. I mainly shrugged it off but now a week later, I find myself feeling things I haven't felt since I was young and extremely insecure about my looks and endured similar comments from my sister-in-law and her friends (I was much skinnier then too!) It's so bad that I feel like either putting on my sneakers and running for the next week nonstop, Forrest Gump style or going on a serious detox a la celebrity Grammy's preparation neither of which would be very responsible given the circumstances.

Instead, I have decided to re-program my body by changing it's energy supply to mainly plant-based items (but not solely..who are we kidding here!) rather than anything I can get my hands on each day. I'm also going to be more responsible about eating regularly because I actually skip breakfast and lunch most days as well. I am also going to get up earlier to jog before the troops arise, I hope to lose the final 10 pounds that just won't come off post pregnancy without extreme measures, in 10 weeks. I think if I can at least start that, wean my little pumpkin in a few months and get back into the gym, then I will hopefully feel better about myself.

I found a few fun salads that I'm going to prepare this week..baby steps..if all works then I will continue this and eventually make it part of our normal diet. It shouldn't be too hard for me but with a picky 4 year old whose favorite meal is plain white rice, chicken nuggets or noodles, dinner could get more  complicated.

Some salads...

Kitchen Sink Chopped Salad with Creamy Balsamic Dressing
Colorful Lentil Salad with Walnuts & Herbs

Apple Chip, Gorgonzola & Pecan Salad with Apple Cider Vinaigrette

White Bean and Kale

Arugula with Radishes and Min

Nigeria Trip // Day 2-Lagos

Echina Court, Banana Island

That night, we headed straight to Onikan to my aunts house to see my grandmother, aunt, uncle and cousins. We were tired and smelly (from the plane) but really happy to be there. We spent a few hours there and then headed to our hotel where we settled in quickly, ordering food and drinks at 2am and taking a celebratory shot of Grey goose with my uncle and cousins and after a quick shower for all four of us we called it a night. The next morning, Sunday, we woke up pretty well rested and hungry, we ordered breakfast, I blew up my curling iron and soon after, my cousin and her husband turned up with their little girl to take us out to see Lagos..for me it was to realize how things had changed and for Austin and the kids, it was all new and fascinating. We drove from our hotel in Victoria Island to Banana Island and then over the 3rd Mainland Bridge to Onikan which is a suburb of Lagos located on the mainland.

Banana Island is under construction, its a colorful, intricately detailed juxtaposition of old and new, unfinished and finished. Its an eclectic mix of architectural styles, rich materials and varying densities and sizes. Towers, mansions, condos and single family homes mingle together to form the gated community, it is its own little town with modern amenities, cobblestone roads, manicured lawns, security and a collection of highly ornate gates. I think this was most surprising to my husband because the common portrayal of Lagos is not so at all. My cousin had said repeatedly, the Lagos no longer has a middle class and I suppose that sentiment is related to this rapid development in places like Ikoyi and Lekki. I believe the average salary required to live in these areas is at least half a million dollars per year..not many in Lagos can afford this yet its become quite pervasive in recent years.

We parked to marvel at this new cable stay bridge which connects Ikoyi (Banana Island) to Lekki, which is also another haven of development in Lagos right now. It is massive and really beautiful. I was proud to see how progressive things had become and that my husband could finally see what he could only imagine for many years. In hindsight, I wonder how this type of development will affect the dwindling middle class and the real "Lagosians", hopefully they aren't all replaced by foreigners because quite honestly, the people make the city.

Ikoyi-Lekki link bridge

I also remember Austin commenting on how clean Lagos was, he hadn't expected it to be so well maintained but sure enough as we drove through, there were people sweeping the roads, we passed garbage trucks picking up garbage and even laughed at the sign on one of the gates to a development which threatened to interrupt garbage pick up if residents did not pay their monthly fees on time.

Ocean Parade Towers

Airtel offices

Bella Vista Towers

Just across the bridge and mostly publicized in the media is a place known as Makoko, its been studied by one of the most respected Architects in the contemporary world, Rem Koolhaas, its been the subject of many research projects and competitions and fascinates many but curiously, it only is a small part of Lagos. Its an old sawmill community which started at the fringe of the city and has grown into a partially floating community with its own order and organisation. I must say, it is quite fascinating from an urban morphological standpoint but I know its an eyesore and parasite to the Lagos residents and their already fragile infrastructure.

In between the extreme poverty and the high brow community, there are some parts of the city which cater to the middle class. The amenities are more culturally similar but no less fascinating and the homes are modest but there is where you find the Lagos residents who are the heartbeat of the city. Certainly, there are many colorful characters in this array from very hard working entrepreneurial types to schemers all mixed together. I was always careful but never feared anyone. In general, the people either were very friendly or just stared at us..not so much at me but rather at my very tall Caucasian husband and two little very light skinned daughters.

We ended up at my aunts place for lunch and some family hang out time. It was good to see her, my grandmother, who lives with her and my cousins and nieces. The funny thing about my family is that no matter how long its been since we've seen each other, its like it was yesterday. Everyone is just constant, real and always there for you. Even the new additions (through marriage..the husbands just fit right into this) we were able to catch up with them and just relax. We even had a few surprise visitors which was nice as well. Later that evening, my younger sister, three cousins and aunt arrived from Manchester and New York. We headed back to the hotel pretty late.

Nigeria Trip //Day 1

I haven't been back home in many years for many very complicated reasons. Some reasons are very straight forward..time, money, work schedule..but I think behind all of this there was always a latent anxiety about returning to the place I grew up, the place I called home. My friends and colleagues here would always ask me if I still had family back there?..Yes..if I missed it?..Yes..If I could see myself moving there someday?...Yes..but why hadn't I returned in almost a decade. I consciously knew I was avoiding something and maybe even felt I would be out of place..too American to assimilate so I shied away. After getting married and now two children later, I wondered if I needed to show where I was from for my husband to really fully understand me. About a year and a half ago, when one of uncles pronounced that he would be throwing a big party for grandma's birthday and everyone was expected to attend, I laughed with nervous excitement but when January 2013 came around and I realized my grandmothers birthday was around the corner, it seemed to be the best time to actually, finally go home. 

We had spent weeks on end planning and trying to imagine what we would need to pack to make it through 12 days with two little ones and a husband who has never been to Nigeria. We needed everything from suitcases to pedialyte, I wasn't going to take any chances. We got every ones passports and visas and the day finally arrived when we were ready to leave. Our flight was at night out of JFK and we would be the first of my extended family ( the ex-pats at least) to arrive in Lagos. Here we go!

We got in to Lagos Murtala Mohammad Airport in the evening (one hour late) after a fairly good flight with a connection in London's Heathrow Airport. I had been a bit frazzled because we almost missed our connection in London because of Heathrow's hyper-stringent security measures (they took my Boudreaux's butt paste!) and I was a bit tired because I hadn't thought to reserve the gallery seat where we could have had a bassinet for Evalie in flight so I carried her throughout both flights. But the moment we stepped off the plane and breathed the air, the excitement swelled up inside. We walked briskly through the airport  hallways towards baggage claim amidst a mix of returning Nigerians and Ex-pats buzzing with comments about the heat and the non functioning escalators, I thought, this is normal, this feels like home!  That's just Nigeria.

When we emerged from the haste, it was onto a mezzanine in a room with a a line forming at a few tables set up with people in uniforms checking passports, immediately, an unidentified man came over and directed us to come off the line and step aside..my Nigerian-ness immediately kicked in, I became defensive and I said "No, why should we, we know where we are supposed to go!" I grabbed Arie's hand and moved towards the front of the line. A woman ( another passenger) told us sternly that I should just go tot he front since I had kids so I did and in a few minutes, I and the kids were through, my husband was on the American citizen line and was hassled a bit longer but eventually made it through. As we moved to the baggage claim, the heat and humidity increased and hit us. It took about an hour to finally get all out luggage but as one other passenger said, "it's not when you get it, its if you get it..!" We happily proceeded to the exit only to be intercepted by two men standing in the middle of the hall flagging people down, my initial instinct was to ignore them and walk around them..this turned out to be a bad idea as it really annoyed him. He wanted to see a yellow card, we didn't have one, he also only demanded it from Austin and not from me or the kids which I found strange. He demanded to see Austin's passport and then took it and began to walk away, we chased him and tried to get it back but he refused and became even more annoyed. After about 20 minutes of back and forth and a stern warning that I had needed to calm down and not be so rude, he let us go..I won't get into why he let us go but he claimed it was because he felt bad for the cute kids who needed rest. 

We emerged from the airport and were confronted by a sea of people just outside the airport doors, luckily two of those faces were the familiar, smiling ones of my cousin Ronke and her husband Femi. We loaded our stuff and hopped into an open air vehicle which began to drive against the traffic down a ramp, through crowds of pedestrians, weaving in and out of dense traffic to get us to the car park, it was wild! Arielle sat on Ronke's lap, Evalie on mine, it was like being on a safari, holding on tight to the metal frame of this vehicle, I laughed inside as I recalled how worried we had been about whether to bring their carseats! We're not in New York anymore Toto! This is Lagos.

Nigeria Trip // Lagos, Jos, Langtang

I literally just got back from a twelve day trip to my homeland with my family to celebrate my grandmothers 90th birthday and it was absolutely amazing. There will be a series on this starting tomorrow but I thought I'd say we're back and I took almost 2000 photographs. There was a lot to see and experience, we did and saw so much in a short time that I can't possibly cover it in one post. Stay tuned!