Week 30

B. The bump

A. Trying to look normal
(even though I feel like 'large Marge')

With 10 weeks to go before I experience the most nerve racking and POTENTIALLY painful yet amazing experience a woman could go through in life, I feel calm but a bit emotional. The books say the hormonal effects from the first trimester return making you feel strange shifts in mood very quickly, I feel sensitive and scared, yet confident and excited to meet a baby girl who I've fallen in love with over the last 30 weeks. I have hopes for her, I hope she comes out to be as beautiful inside as my sweet girl, I hope I am able to love her and that her sister loves her even more. I hope Arielle is able to understand that the baby isn't taking her place in my heart or more important than her but that she will require more attention initially. I hope I do not become overwhelmed by the experience and I am able to sit back and experience my new baby with as much appreciation as I have tried to have through these weeks of pregnancy. I am so looking forward to the sound of that first cry, the feeling of a small warm body new to the world with no other intuition but to find comfort in the most recognizable scent, mine..voice, mine, heartbeat, mine.

I've heard that the arrival of a second baby isn't as full on as the first because you have some idea of what to expect but I am not sure I totally agree, there are so many unknowns before I will actually meet her and take her home. Will she come early, on time or late like her sister? (and her mommy always is..I'm working on that!). Will she be a bigger baby, as they say second babies are always bigger? Will I be in labor for 24 hours and be able to bare the pain as she makes her way out? Will she be a good sleeper? Colicky?  I keep having this vision of dropping her..I know its just a manifestation of my fear for handling such delicate little things especially since Arielle's been out of that stage for a while..now when she falls we still ask if she ok but its not as dramatic as it used to be..she a rough and tumble kind of girl.

I finally ordered a crib and dresser for her room, I have a 'take home outfit' and bunting suit just incase its cold or whatever..I know its going to be July but its cute anyway. So for now, I continue to expand hopefully at a normal, slow pace..and savor silence while (when) I have it.