2 Weeks Old

She coo's...

Evalie is now two weeks old and she is wonderful, she keeps me on my toes, not because she's unpredictable but really because she's extremely consistent because I'm waiting anxiously waiting to see the "real" baby in her emerge. At the moment, she is quite blissful. She is on a 1-4-7-10 schedule at night so I'm not totally exhausted, I get some downtime int he evenings because once she's had a bath and nursed, she sleeps nicely for several hours while I get Arielle set for dinner and then bedtime. I'm still trying to work dinner in for myself but its getting there.

At two weeks old, she weighs 9lbs. 3oz., she's 21.5 inches long and has finally lost the umbilical stump so she has a nice little belly button and will take a real bath tonight!. We have been all around town with her even though my mom would rather she stayed home but with a restless three year old and an equally antsy husband, its almost impossible to sit inside all day. So beside two doctors visits, we've been to the park for walks, we've been to Target and Bj's for supplies and groceries, we've been to see her great grandmother in Staten Island and we've even been to the ice cream shoppe.

I love the sounds she makes already, they seem so intentional, almost like she's really trying to communicate with us. She also looks dead at me sometimes, she must be studying the faces and voices around her.

She stares...

She, like her big sister has really bright eyes, hers are more like steel grey right now where as Arielle's were brown at this age.

She smiles...

The smiles are now quite often and seem to be even be in response to my talking over her..they can't possibly still be gas..can they? She's seems like shes naturally a really happy kid already, she smile in her sleep and when awake. She sleeps very easily and very peaceful which I am thankful for because I am not a zombie and Arielle can be as loud as she wants and it does not wake her.

She sleeps...

Portrait of a Mother: Part II

A few months ago, I began to write about and work through my feelings about being a mother to a little girl and also the realization that I would soon be a mother to two little girls in a post called 'Portrait of a Mother', I was 26 weeks pregnant at the time. In hindsight, I could have never fully understood what it is to have these two children until it actually happened, and today, a typical Wednesday morning, is not at all 'typical' for me. My mind is slowly realizing that I am in fact a mother of these two precious little ones; its been two weeks since Evalie was born but today is my first day without the support of many nurses and doctors, my mom, sisters and brother, I have no guests, play dates scheduled..and my husband is gone. (he's back to work today!). I am truly and solely responsible for them, they will depend on me for everything (one, more so than the other). I think the biggest pressure I feel right now is to not make Arielle feel like she isn't getting any attention, but also to balance the time that I spend with Evalie because I have waited so long for theses moments and they are fleeting, I want the opportunity to savor them. I want to be able to play with Arielle, cuddle with her and also have time to cuddle my little bundle while she still fits nicely in between my bosom and my palm. Its a challenge, a nice one, the one I've chosen for myself. 

I may look tired and not so fashionable for now but its these times we will look back on and miss dearly, I want to be able to look back fondly and be thankful that I took the time off to be with my babies. 

1 Week Old

We arrived home on Friday as a family of four; a bit tired, excited, nervous and really happy. The idea that we have finally gone through the birth of a beautiful little girl (..long story to come) without any casualties and now return home makes it all even more real. I have spent hours just watching her sleep, observing her moves, smelling her head, holding her little hands and feet, and I love every moment of it. The love one can develop for a baby is not always instant, although it was for me and it is very overwhelming, its almost too hard to comprehend how much affection you can develop in a few minutes, hours, days of meeting a little person.

My family came by on Friday afternoon a few hours after we got home and have been here on and off since; mom and my sisters have been making us delicious meals, cleaning, doing laundry, playing, laughing and really just making this time so special for us. I have not had a chance to dwell on anything or even let the hormonal shifts get me down, there hasn't really been a spare moment. Mom has also been here every night bathing the kids and getting in some cuddle time after work. 

Evalie had a 1 week checkup with the pediatrician and it turns out she's perfect, she has grown half an inch in a week and has gained 6 ounces as well. She nurses quite well and has virtually put herself on her own schedule, its made it quite easy for us to get rest and manage two kids (especially with one who has had strep all week). She's really good, quiet little girl, we sometimes forget she's here, she only cries during her bath otherwise she's quiet or making little sounds to let us know she's up.

She smiles quite a lot and I would argue they are real smiles but others think its gas..either way, its really pretty when she does. We have blown through a entire pack of newborn diapers and generated a lot of laundry! in the midst of all this, I still remain slightly in disbelief of the intensity of the last few days and hours leading to her birth, I am amazed at the strength of my baby and myself, the commitment and support of my husband, mother and sister and the determination of my doctors and nurses. 

What's in a name?

Evalie Anaïs

Origin of the name Evalie:

Life. A form of Eve.

Evalie \Evaly\ as a girl's name is pronounced EH-və-lee

It is of Hebrew origin. Evalie is a variant of Evelyn.

Origin of the name Anaïs:

Gracious, full of grace.

Anais \a-nais\ as a girl's name is pronounced ah-NAH-eece.

It is of French and Hebrew origin. Anaïs is a variant of Ana.

Notes on a second

Having not only a second child but also a daughter, for me has been rather amazing, there is no repetition, it is not even a known feeling, its all a novel experience, she is all new, her smell, her little sounds, her features, her demeanor, they are all her own and so beautiful. She is perfect in every way, everything I could have hoped for, filled with love, curiosity, a kind of innocence that never can be regained. Its all so amazing and much to absorb and there's nothing else like it even after a having a first child. I am in absolute awe of this little baby girl and although she's rather quiet, she already has captured spots in the hearts of her family especially her big sister.

And then She Came...

Evalie Anaïs

born July 11th at 4:34am was 8lbs. 3oz. & 21" long.

Week 41: Trick or treat

40 weeks 6 days..still counting

No, no you didn't fall asleep and miss several months, its not actually halloween yet it just feels like it is to me..or maybe groundhog day? I can't figure out what pop culture reference would be best to use to hide my frustrations right now! So yes, today I am officially beyond the point of having patience if I had any to begin with, I am 7 days past my due date* and a bit unhappy about this. Week 41 is definitely the most trying time I have had thus far..

I know I shouldn't have made plans for July but I guess when your due date is the first day of the month you don't really expect plans in the middle of the month to be thrown off, but apparently with my little one they will be. I am in shock (and not just the shocks I get in my fingertips with each stroke of the keys.. thanks to extreme edema!), I am really taken a back by how much she's willing to draw this out, my first baby was late but was born by the 7th day so this little one is starting out with a competitive spirit already to beat her sisters record of who can frustrate mommy the most or something?

I had a non-stress test on Friday afternoon which revealed that the baby was about 8lbs and very content on the inside, they tracked her heartbeat and movements for almost 40 minutes, checked my blood pressure etc and found no reason to force her out. I have another test today as well as a biophysical and could be induced tonight or tomorrow. The doc thought I may go over the weekend ( her guess is as good as mine) but could tell I was discouraged when I said "have a good weekend..see you on monday!"

So here I am on Monday morning still properly pregnant and wondering if its the right decision to induce. I feel bad as well because my family who's been supportive has had to continually rearrange their schedules to try to be there with me during this time and I just continue to turn up pregnant its a bit preposterous!

Quite honestly, I am covering up how I really feel by trying to be funny while in reality I am completely torn apart,  I am mostly disturbed by the fact that I feel like I have lost the excitement I had for this baby (the process..not the actual baby..) and its been replaced by anxiety and confusion, for that reason, I wish this hadn't been drawn out this far but I have no control over that; I was at a high point around 39 weeks and its unfortunately slowly deteriorated over the last 2-3 weeks. As the baby gets bigger and heavier, things get uncomfortable, the swelling is at an extreme, it hurts at this point, sleep is barely there, I have had days where I felt really sick (friday was awful, I almost skipped the non stress test altogether just to stay in bed) and I am tired of talking about "the baby" really. Although it sounds harsh, its really just a challenge to exist in limbo, everyday is the same question, "when will the baby come?" especially when this "transition" is undefined..i.e. we have no idea when or how it will happen. 

40+3

July 5 2012

My patience is starting to wane, I am starting to feel defeated, I am starting to doubt if this will happen before Friday naturally, I feel like a motor being jumpstarted but not having the ability to sustain. My frustration is showing on the surface, my daughter is feeling it mainly because three years olds ask a lot of questions and mine is quite persistent about what she wants. 

The July 4 celebration was quite nice, I spent most of the day napping then had family over for food and drinks in the late afternoon which was nice to keep my mind off my current state. After everyone left, the little one was bathed and in bed, the kitchen was cleaned, I settled in to bed. At around 11:00pm I started feeling some contractions which I ignored off course because I just could not handle another false alarm but then I realized they were painful and long and pretty frequent..one glance at the clock revealed that they were 7 mins apart..so I got excited. We both sat up waiting to see if it would become something but of course in true "braxton-form" they stopped around 1:30am and I went to sleep only to wake up to the bright light beaming into my room this morning...still pregnant! As you can see, she is also still growing (I feel like I look horrible...my mom says its not that bad), I am swollen and I am drawing more unsolicited commentary when I dare go in public. I am beside myself. 

Notes on pregnancy

After yesterdays lackluster doctors appointment, I found that nothing's going on in terms of the baby arrival but I am in good health and we heard her strong heartbeat so trying to remain positive. I have been scheduled for a non-stress test for Friday at 3:00pm (assuming I'm still with child..).

Things I will miss about being pregnant:

1. Feeling little taps, pushes and hiccups from the little person within.
2. The anticipation of meeting a new person that is a perfect balance of myself and my husband.
3. Lycra being acceptable to wear at all times
4. People smiling at me just because..
5. Shopping for tiny sweet little things...
6. Healthy hair and nails
7. watching my little girls face light up when she sees my belly move or feels it kick her when we cuddle.

Things I will not miss about being pregnant:

1. Weight gain
2. The anxiety of the last few days/weeks
3. Swollen extremities and facial features (my nose)
4. Painful joints making walking a challenge
5. Flatulance
6. limited attire (flat shoes..)
7. Carpal tunnel
8. Constipation
9. Sleeping on my left side
10. feeling tired all the time

D-Day: Thoughts on the day

July 2nd 2012

Today is my official (doctor issued) due date. It is just another day for others but for me I feel different, not because anything has occurred or I am somewhere different, its just because it feels like something should be happening and its not. My husband got up and left to work as usual, we've had breakfast and watched the weather as usual and now we are getting ready to step out and play. I will see the doc this afternoon and probably return home for a nap. But this day marks something important, it marks a moment where the past and future seem to exist simultaneously, its certainly a trying time for women in their pregnancy because many don't deal with anxiety of the unknown well, many may be uncomfortable and tired, but its best to try to reflect on the last 280 days and realize the magnitude of the new journey one is about to embark on. Eat something good, enjoy a nice bath I suppose and just be. It's hard not to feel sad but its even harder to understand the sadness, the baby is still thriving, she will be here soon and demanding all attention so I see this kind of as a marker for the mental adjustment one needs to really grasp, fully, the larger picture of this time, beyond the first real contractions, beyond the labor, beyond the first's and onto the in between days..the everyday, the normal, when all the novelty is worn and you need still make the little one feel special and be made to feel special as well.

p.s. was still hoping for a relaxing July 4th with my summer cocktail..but this is slowly fading away by the minute..

#1:Carnivals

So the last day of June (my last day of Week 40) was spent playing, like a kid, I promised myself, I would fully engage in a day of play with my little one and not think of the baby for one second. I would put my best (swollen) foot forward and just play, watch her have fun and take in the scenery that is summer carnivals. The sounds of rides and kids being thrilled as they pull through the air fearless, the smiles on their faces once they come off and run to their parents proudly waiting, the smells of Elfie the cow waiting to be milked by any willing to try. It was all good and we really enjoyed it. 

Week 40

 So here we are..July 1st, a new month, one that I thought I may just enter with a baby on the outside but no such luck. I am officially at the end of the road with no new path in sight so I will wait..sitting idle until I can move onto the next phase..wait..nooooo...thats not a good plan at all. Ok, so we all knew this would happen..babies are perpetually late, these freaks of nature who have their babies naturally early don't really exist do they? they must be mythical creatures because I've never met one..!
Ok, just kidding but really, I am proud to have made it to this point especially through week 40 which can feel a bit like a life sentence if you're not careful, I am feeling strong and energetic so much so that I spent hours walking around a carnival yesterday! I let it all go, well as much as a 40 week preg can do, so no rides or anything but I did eat a funnel cake for the first time in my life, it just seemed appropriate at the time.

I am still swollen, maybe more so now since we're in the middle of a heat wave in NYC, I am running out of things to wear, I'm starting to feel like a camouflaging myself, hence the outfit...but Good. So, as a very obviously pregnant person you know that your time has come when men of a certain age begin to comment on your condition in public!  The females are mostly still positive, they look at me and smile (either with joy, envy or pity..I'd like to think its not the latter) but the men are becoming ruthless! At dinner on friday, a man just came right out and said..."Are there two or three in there..hahaha...?" not so funny little man! At Target, a man walked by me and congratulated me as if to politely say.."shouldn't you be on a hospital bed somewhere getting that taken care of by now?". The best comment of all came from my own husband yesterday, when I practically rolled out of a lawn chair at the pool and discovered I had been sitting on a bee (a rather large, hairy one too..yuck!) and inadvertently ended its life, my daughter frantically checked my backside to see if I had been stung while he remarked "now thats what I call a real bee-hind"! What the F...is this what I have become..the butt of peoples jokes..no pun intended!

Anyway, I don't intend to remain a spectacle for much longer even though I am not doing anything crazy to will this kid out as of this moment but I really hope she just feels for me and decides its time... today! I see the docs tomorrow afternoon, at which point I will basically pull a "Occupy" on them until they offer me a solution besides "looks good..almost there..see in a week".