Happy 4th Birthday

My sweet girl,

Happy birthday! four years ago I became a mother and you've been my wonderful, thoughtful little girl ever since. I have loved watching you grow, learn new things and become the sweet little girl I always knew you would be. I still remember the moment I first held you in my arms, its never been the same. As much I want to you to slow down and stay a baby, I look forward with much excitement to see the young lady you are becoming each day. I love you.

mummy.

12 Weeks Old

This week Evalie seems to be really be making the transition from newborn to infant. She has a personality and can express herself pretty well now. She kicks and wiggles wildly when she's upset and laughs when she's happy. She's still working on getting her fingers in her mouth but still resorts to the entire fist which leads to a lot of drool and lots of drool means what we now call "wet neck"! Well, because of her lovely little lumps, its hard to reveal the underneath of her chin..where her neck should be and that's where all the extra milk and drool mingle. Its rather gross actually so I won't go any further..needless to say, I'm more careful about changing her out of her wet clothes and keeping her neck area dry and powdered.

11 Weeks Old

Dear Evalie,

Its the second day of Fall, Arielle is back at school and you and I all of a sudden have time alone. Even though you still sleep quite a bit, we do have some quiet time together in the morning and we exchange smiles, I catch you in a gaze and we see each other clearly, we laugh and we talk. You are a very content little bundle and are very generous with your smiles. I don't know if this feeling will ever leave ( I hope it doesn't), I am still amazed by you. You have made it pretty easy to become a mother again, a mother of two little girls. You are a patient baby, you barely cry but rather express your feeling with little sounds. You already personify a lot of what you feel, for example, I can see when you look at your sister how much you admire her, I believe you will be best friends, she loves you, she protects you. She will not let you cry for one moment, once she hears you awake she warns me of this and urges me to pick you up and put her next to you. Every morning on the way to school (and any other time we are in the car) she holds your hand to make sure you aren't scared. 

You have two new tricks, they are sounds and sitting; you have started to attempt to sit up rather than recline when someones holding you. You also spend quite a bit more time in the bouncy chair and make the most wonderful and deliberate sounds, usually at the objects hanging in front of you but sometime at daddy if he's sitting next to you. You also are trying very hard to get you fingers in your mouth but this skill continues to elude you. Like your aunty said on Saturday, you are so loved. I love you more than I ever believed my heart could. 

Love Mummy.

2 Months Old

At 2 months old, Evie is deliciously chubby, very smiley and just precious..I know I'm her mother so I couldn't possibly feel any differently. She actually was 2months over a week a ago but I waited until now so I could get the stats..its also a bit tough to get a baby ready for her close up..so we were just now able to get her at a good time to take a few pictures. She had her 2 month appointment with the pediatrician yesterday and weighed in at 14lbs and 24.5"long, she's healthy and happy. She smiles deliberately, she is able to recognize a few people ( me, daddy and her sister..) so she "tracks" when she hears our voices, she holds her head up pretty well but still is not a fan of tummy time at all. She is starting to "coo" and responds to us pretty well which is great but also blows my mind because I feel like she was just born..she was born 10 weeks ago! I'm still amazed. Anyway, all is well with the sisters, Arielle loves her but I do observe a change in her personality and the odd things she says sometimes which must be as a result of this new person in her life. She's got a lot going on in her little life with a new Preschool, new friends, teachers etc and of course a baby sister..so I feel like I need to cuddle her even more although it make it hard for her to leave me in the morning without crying. 

I had a "bad mommy" moment yesterday with her. After receiving several vaccines injections, I decided to take Arielle and Evie to see grandma because she was home from work (schools were closed for Rosh Hashanah). Once we got there, Evie was fine and happy, she then took a nap for a short while. When she woke up from the nap, she was not happy, she started to cry which quickly escalated into a screaming and kicking fit..I couldn't console her enough..I tried to put her in the Bjorn and walk around because she enjoys that but she cried even more, I took her out and held her but every time I bounced her gently she would cringe and scream even more..after about 25 minutes, I realized she was getting warm, red and crying even more intensely. I had never seen her cry so much before. I realized that she must have been in pain from the vaccines so my mother rushed out to pick up a pain/fever reducer to give to her. After administering it, she cuddled her for about 20 minutes and she calmed down. I should have known or at least been prepared for the possibly of her to have a reaction. 

8 Weeks Old

Why am I wearing this headband?..I'm a baby!

And now I can smile..

As the time goes by, I am reminded everyday of how lovely innocence can be; the world is blossoming around her everyday and as she learns and responds to all that surrounds her, she brings light to our lives. At 8 weeks, Evallie is really cool to be around, she recognizes us and spends time scanning around to see what we are doing. You can "talk" to her and she responds with a very enthusiastic wiggle of her entire body, a smile and sometimes even a sounds. Its an exciting time for her as well, she spent the last few days discovering her hands..and fighting everyone uncoordinated bone in her little body to get it into her mouth and keep it there. I don't know what she weighs yet but I do know we do not wear nb sized clothing anymore and we're deep into our box of size 1 diapers. 

Her schedule is actually becoming just that..she is pretty good with what time she sleeps and wakes and eats..she's still a very quick eater so my awake time at night is very limited if any. Half the time she sleeps from 12-6am and the other half she will wake up at 3am for a quick feed and change depending on what time she went to sleep. 

We're fully out of the fragile newborn phase and into the chubby baby stage, she can hold her head up pretty well so I carry her around in the Bjorn or the Moby Wrap and she loves it. As far as tummy time, she isn't a fan..she could do without it but I realized the other day that Arielle was rolling over by now so I've really go to get her down on the floor more often. I take responsibility because, when Arie was young we had carpet which we have replace with hardwood so laying on the floor isn't as inviting to me, it can be hard on my old bones! In the last few weeks she's met a few more family members, been to the park many times, been out to dinner, been on a train, in the city, on the beach...

Anyway, I decided to stay home with her, the semester has begun and I turned down the courses I was scheduled to teach, I am looking forward the next three months I have and really want to make the best of the time I have with her. Anyway, enough of this mushy stuff. 

and sometimes I even laugh..

I watch my sister do funny things..

She's really silly..

6 Weeks Old

Evie at six weeks old is quite a joy. She's still sleeping well, only waking up for a mid-night feeding (at 4:00am) and taking long naps during the day. She stays up more now during the day so we get to actually see her big brown eyes wide open. She can definitely see a bit further now because she stares at the mobile hanging over her crib and the black and white baby art by her changing table which her sister made. Leaving the house takes a while but when we do it pretty smooth, she sleeps although she does not like the car seat once the car stops moving so my weekly Target run requires a little less lingering. 

She is a champion eater and she's got the signature rolls and chubby cheeks to prove it. We have been trying to introduce the bottle once a day which is slightly problematic because she seems to have a preference for that natural feeding methods..She's also showing a preference to cuddling instead of sleeping in her crib which is fine with me, I could sit and cuddle her all day thats only going to make it hard on the person who has to watch her when I return to work or just try to leave without her. She's making some expressive sounds which is fun because Arielle thinks she's talking to her and love its. So I guess I could go on forever about this little warm bundle but I'll just say she melts my heart.

Baby's Nursery-Part II

Once the baby shower was over and we opened up all the gifts at home, I was really excited and decided we  needed to take the plunge and finish setting up the nursery. It had the Mid Century crib, the Eames rocker and the Pax wardrobe in it which provided the bones but was still lacking the details to impart some character and warmth. So off I went to the home goods, target and poking around our house to find little things I could use I the room. The dresser was not in yet but would be delivered much earlier than mid-June as originally expected. So, we found a few things like the hanging monogram letter over the Eames rocker, the Ribba frames which will hold black and white photographs of the littlest one when she arrives, the frames on the shelf, the pink scroll bookends etc. I'm really loving the Chevron trend so when I spotted the yellow chevron rug at the Homes Goods for under twenty bucks I knew, it would give the room a bit of color without overwhelming it.We changed out the big grey fan and replaced it with a small chandelier ( not the one I wanted but still ok) and we replaced the brown curtains with white linen curtains instead of the ruffle sheers I originally wanted because it does get really bright in there.

Over the crib there is a Flenstead sheep mobile; the baby blanket is an organic cotton with sheep embroidered into it. On top of the crib (for now) is the lovely Serena and Lily Moses basket . I chose the Oeuf changing tray in walnut instead of having an actual changing table in the room, it sits atop the Mid Century dresser. I bought the a few woven baskets from Ikea to store things in without cluttering the room. I had had my eye on this over sized ruler for a while and finally purchased one and it arrived just when we were starting to put things together.

1 Month Old

Evie weighs (at 5 weeks) a whopping 11 lb. 8 oz. and measures 22 1/2" long; obviously she's not starving even though I feel like I always am. She has developed quite a temperament that's all her own, she's like a gentle giant...it takes quite a bit to get her to the point of screaming. She's still quite a good sleeper except once every 8-10 days she decides to stay up until all hours of the night just making sounds and looking around, not crying (like last night...). She took her first immunization yesterday for HepB and her big sister was there to hold her hand and pick out a sparkly band aid for her. 

4 Weeks old

Dear Evalie,

Today you are 4 weeks old! almost an whole entire month! In that short time, you have completed our family and have healed my heart. You have brought an unexpected amount of love to us and really could not imagine being without you. I think I was right months ago when I wrote a post that I thought my mood might definitely match your personality, a mild mannered, easy going baby. You are a fantastic baby and I'm not just saying that because you are mine. I am surprised everyday by how little you cry and how easy you are to soothe, it makes being your mommy very simple and pleasant (no surprises tonight little girl!) You sleep just as well as you did the first day we brought you home so I'm not as tired as I imagined I would be. You smile and laugh sometimes and put the biggest smile on your big sisters face when you do so. She loves taking care of you and is very protective over you. The other day she read a book to you, she said she was helping you learn! 

I am happy to be your mommy for many reasons; the little sounds you make in your sleep are very cute,  the way you cringe and clench your fists with your eyes opened wide as we walk down the stairs is pretty funny, the way your lip curls when you cry is the cutest little thing as well. Most importantly, we all seem to get a kick out of your unfailing ability to reel us in with your smile and once we are all like "awww look she's smiling"..you immediately let out the biggest fart and poo sounds and remind us that you're just a baby and have no idea what we are saying!

Love you,

mommy.

3 Weeks Old

Like a dream (no...really..I can barely decipher when I'm awake or asleep anymore..), my littlest girl is 3 weeks old today and she is no less amazing than the moment she came into the world. I adore her every limb. She is healthy, eating well (drinking..really), still rather quiet and a great sleeper aside from a few nights so far. She barely cries unless I take too long to get to her up when she's hungry. She's become acclimated to our bath-time regimen so she does not cry anymore and I am also more calm bathing her so it doesn't seem like torture for either of us. She makes little sounds now that seem like she's just realized she has a voice. She seems to be developing a 'look', she does resemble her sister as a baby but with softer features I think. She has pouty lips and chubby cheeks (its actually uncanny how familiar she's looks to me..maybe because of all the ultra sounds..I' don't know). 

Right now, I am sitting in my bed with her plastered to me chest sleeping comfortably (I know I should really put her down but she's so cuddly!) I feel her heartbeat and hear her breathing alternating from a slow drawn out pace to a fast paced rhythmic throaty one. Although I have begun to feel the haze of being slightly tired, I don't want to nap, I don't want to miss any moments. My little Arie is at an arts and Crafts class for a few hours so this solo time with the littlest baby is quite precious to me. Things are quiet, calm and I feel a sense of relaxation momentarily followed by a wave of panic. 

This is my existence now, I feel myself fading from individual, architect, academic, ..to "mommy" and its full on. I do consider how to embrace this and find the balance because as expected, the challenge is more emotional for me than physical. I can deal with sleepless nights, caring for two kids etc. but the struggle to redefine oneself is always a pain in any situation not only in motherhood. Maybe the current pressure is just too much for women, that we ought to be great mothers, maintain a competitive, high paying job/position and be great partners all at once, or maybe we place that pressure on ourselves but I do feel like we live ina  time where just staying home and enjoying time is hard. I had a baby three weeks a go and am already anxious about what I am doing next. So I intend to at least take the next few weeks to relax even if it means taking a quick vacation to anywhere just for a change of scenery. 

2 Weeks Old

She coo's...

Evalie is now two weeks old and she is wonderful, she keeps me on my toes, not because she's unpredictable but really because she's extremely consistent because I'm waiting anxiously waiting to see the "real" baby in her emerge. At the moment, she is quite blissful. She is on a 1-4-7-10 schedule at night so I'm not totally exhausted, I get some downtime int he evenings because once she's had a bath and nursed, she sleeps nicely for several hours while I get Arielle set for dinner and then bedtime. I'm still trying to work dinner in for myself but its getting there.

At two weeks old, she weighs 9lbs. 3oz., she's 21.5 inches long and has finally lost the umbilical stump so she has a nice little belly button and will take a real bath tonight!. We have been all around town with her even though my mom would rather she stayed home but with a restless three year old and an equally antsy husband, its almost impossible to sit inside all day. So beside two doctors visits, we've been to the park for walks, we've been to Target and Bj's for supplies and groceries, we've been to see her great grandmother in Staten Island and we've even been to the ice cream shoppe.

I love the sounds she makes already, they seem so intentional, almost like she's really trying to communicate with us. She also looks dead at me sometimes, she must be studying the faces and voices around her.

She stares...

She, like her big sister has really bright eyes, hers are more like steel grey right now where as Arielle's were brown at this age.

She smiles...

The smiles are now quite often and seem to be even be in response to my talking over her..they can't possibly still be gas..can they? She's seems like shes naturally a really happy kid already, she smile in her sleep and when awake. She sleeps very easily and very peaceful which I am thankful for because I am not a zombie and Arielle can be as loud as she wants and it does not wake her.

She sleeps...

Portrait of a Mother: Part II

A few months ago, I began to write about and work through my feelings about being a mother to a little girl and also the realization that I would soon be a mother to two little girls in a post called 'Portrait of a Mother', I was 26 weeks pregnant at the time. In hindsight, I could have never fully understood what it is to have these two children until it actually happened, and today, a typical Wednesday morning, is not at all 'typical' for me. My mind is slowly realizing that I am in fact a mother of these two precious little ones; its been two weeks since Evalie was born but today is my first day without the support of many nurses and doctors, my mom, sisters and brother, I have no guests, play dates scheduled..and my husband is gone. (he's back to work today!). I am truly and solely responsible for them, they will depend on me for everything (one, more so than the other). I think the biggest pressure I feel right now is to not make Arielle feel like she isn't getting any attention, but also to balance the time that I spend with Evalie because I have waited so long for theses moments and they are fleeting, I want the opportunity to savor them. I want to be able to play with Arielle, cuddle with her and also have time to cuddle my little bundle while she still fits nicely in between my bosom and my palm. Its a challenge, a nice one, the one I've chosen for myself. 

I may look tired and not so fashionable for now but its these times we will look back on and miss dearly, I want to be able to look back fondly and be thankful that I took the time off to be with my babies. 

1 Week Old

We arrived home on Friday as a family of four; a bit tired, excited, nervous and really happy. The idea that we have finally gone through the birth of a beautiful little girl (..long story to come) without any casualties and now return home makes it all even more real. I have spent hours just watching her sleep, observing her moves, smelling her head, holding her little hands and feet, and I love every moment of it. The love one can develop for a baby is not always instant, although it was for me and it is very overwhelming, its almost too hard to comprehend how much affection you can develop in a few minutes, hours, days of meeting a little person.

My family came by on Friday afternoon a few hours after we got home and have been here on and off since; mom and my sisters have been making us delicious meals, cleaning, doing laundry, playing, laughing and really just making this time so special for us. I have not had a chance to dwell on anything or even let the hormonal shifts get me down, there hasn't really been a spare moment. Mom has also been here every night bathing the kids and getting in some cuddle time after work. 

Evalie had a 1 week checkup with the pediatrician and it turns out she's perfect, she has grown half an inch in a week and has gained 6 ounces as well. She nurses quite well and has virtually put herself on her own schedule, its made it quite easy for us to get rest and manage two kids (especially with one who has had strep all week). She's really good, quiet little girl, we sometimes forget she's here, she only cries during her bath otherwise she's quiet or making little sounds to let us know she's up.

She smiles quite a lot and I would argue they are real smiles but others think its gas..either way, its really pretty when she does. We have blown through a entire pack of newborn diapers and generated a lot of laundry! in the midst of all this, I still remain slightly in disbelief of the intensity of the last few days and hours leading to her birth, I am amazed at the strength of my baby and myself, the commitment and support of my husband, mother and sister and the determination of my doctors and nurses. 

What's in a name?

Evalie Anaïs

Origin of the name Evalie:

Life. A form of Eve.

Evalie \Evaly\ as a girl's name is pronounced EH-və-lee

It is of Hebrew origin. Evalie is a variant of Evelyn.

Origin of the name Anaïs:

Gracious, full of grace.

Anais \a-nais\ as a girl's name is pronounced ah-NAH-eece.

It is of French and Hebrew origin. Anaïs is a variant of Ana.

Notes on a second

Having not only a second child but also a daughter, for me has been rather amazing, there is no repetition, it is not even a known feeling, its all a novel experience, she is all new, her smell, her little sounds, her features, her demeanor, they are all her own and so beautiful. She is perfect in every way, everything I could have hoped for, filled with love, curiosity, a kind of innocence that never can be regained. Its all so amazing and much to absorb and there's nothing else like it even after a having a first child. I am in absolute awe of this little baby girl and although she's rather quiet, she already has captured spots in the hearts of her family especially her big sister.

And then She Came...

Evalie Anaïs

born July 11th at 4:34am was 8lbs. 3oz. & 21" long.