40 in 40

Today I officially have 40 days to go.. (you know until the baby decides to pop! I have spent the last 8 months worrying about my health and that of my little passenger, trying to balance work, being a wife, mother and planning for the arrival of our new family member. I have experienced every emotion many times, experienced every extreme in the privacy of my home or in public, doubted myself and lost my patience, and now after having one day off, and having to remind myself several times today to calm down, to realize that I now have reached the point I have been longing for, time to relax, I can't. 


I am still a bit on edge and feel like I should be rushing again but in fact, I have most things done, in reality if I were to have the baby today, all physical things are in place (except maybe the need to run to Target for a few little things). What is missing, is my mental clarity and a opportunity to truly savor the last moments of life as I know it. Just as dramatic as the first child, this too will have a huge impact on my life and I'm not sure Austin or Arielle comprehends the magnitude of this impending change. I on the other hand feel like it will be up to me to keep things in order. It will never again be just me and Arie alone (we've been able to spend a lot of time together since she was born) and I need to prepare for that. I know she will be a fantastic big sister, I can see it in how she acts right now but I really hope I can live up to the challenge, I need to, for myself, for Arielle and for this tiny baby who has no idea what she's about to encounter. 

Before this happens, I am initiating a small project that will encourage me to spend the next 40 days really trying to fully appreciate at least one thing each day. This is not to say that I don't do so already but I don't do it consciously enough, to take the time to really think about what I have, what surrounds me, what I surround myself with, why things have meaning, what defines me, affects me, what I may take for granted etc. Wow, that sounds a bit daunting already..well its supposed to be a fun way to document the little things, a refreshing look at everyday..maybe. Let's see if I get to 40...